Out of the Grey
by Thecastlefan101
Summary: She should be happy right? She's got a great life, so she should be happy. She has an amazing career and two beautiful children and a successful businessman as a husband. Of course she should be happy. Is she happy? Why isn't she happy? Why isn't this life good enough anymore? AU
1. Chapter 1

**This idea came to me a while ago and so I've been working on it. This is AU so don't be angry about certain changes. This is my first attempt at AU please honest criticism. This story, in some aspects, hits close to home so please don't judge to harshly.**

**I really hope you enjoy reading!**

**Disclaimer: - should be enough. **

* * *

She found herself not being able to sleep again tonight. She doesn't know what's keeping her up or what's bothering her. But at least she can use that time to write.

Early in the morning when everybody's asleep and the house is quiet, the streets are quiet, is when she can get most of her writing done.

But here she is, six o'clock in the morning, staring at the screen of her laptop with the cursor just blinking. Eight hours. Eight hours she has been staring at it watching as her fingers did nothing but dance across the keyboard not producing a single decent thought. Her twelfth cup of coffee sits on her desk in the corner completely forgotten about when the sun began to rise.

Her children and husband would be up soon. She should start on breakfast. But she can't. She doesn't know why but she can't bring herself to move. It's like she's lost all her energy. She's not physically tired but emotionally. On paper she has this brilliant life.

**"Katherine Beckett! Would famous Mystery writer. Responsible for over thirteen books who've all hit The New York Times Bestseller list." **(Never number one though)

Ever since she graduated from college writing has been what she wanted to do and she loves it. Whenever times are bad she's always turned to writing and it's never let her down. In her darkest to her most incandescent times where she would be engulfed in so many different emotions, writing has been her go-to savior. It makes her feel better every time.

But now after hours upon hours of sitting here staring writing seems to be letting her down. She doesn't feel anything anymore. It's as if she's gone numb inside.

Kate grabbed her coffee cup and strolled out of her office and into the kitchen. Cooking always relaxed her when she was stressed. And plus her children need to eat. Yeah, they're both eighteen now but they'll always be her babies. Even if times aren't so good right now.

She began to make pancakes and eggs just like Anna and Martin liked. She's only hoping that they'll take the time to eat the breakfast that she's preparing. Most of the time they skip breakfast and just go straight to school. This is their last year of high school before Anna goes to California and Martin goes to Pennsylvania. That will be the first time that they haven't been in school together. They're twins so they go everywhere together.

"No no no no Bill you have to get me five. Two won't work," her husband, Will, shouted coming down the stairs, briefcase in hand phone in the other. "With five million I can get Charter. With two we won't be able to do anything but the deficit."

"Coffee?" she mouthed to him. He accepted.

"Alright get Murphy and I'll be down there soon." he paused and started nodding his head. "Friday at the earliest." He paused again. "Yeah. I'll talk him into it when I get down there."

"Who was that?" Kate asked when he hung up the phone.

"Bill. He's worried about the new plans for Charlie."

"He's always worried. But I don't see why your plans always work out."

"Yeah. Listen I gotta fly down to Atlanta tomorrow cause that's where the meetings being held."

"Okay. Is there anything you need me to do?"

"Nope. Thanks for the coffee. I'll see you," he said leaving. She sighed and hugged herself.

"Thanks for the kiss. Love you too," she muttered when he left. Kate noticed that Will has been spending an awful lot amount of time in Atlanta now. She really hopes it's not what she's thinking because if it is she won't be able to keep herself together anymore.

Kate and Will haven't been doing so great. They've now entered a loveless marriage but neither of them will own up to it. She still tries to pretend everything is fine.

"Hey mom," Martin greeted walking into the kitchen.

"Good morning. Do you want some breakfast?"

He shook his head no. "I just really want some orange juice."

"You drank all of it last night," Anna announced coming down the stairs. "Mom have you seen my soccer shorts?"

"Laundry basket." She quickly ran back upstairs.

"What am I going to drink now?" Martin whined.

"You can have some milk with the pancakes I made you."

"I'm not hungry really. I ate enough last night. I guess I'll just get some on my way to school. Later."

"Byyye."

"Bye mom," Anna said coming back downstairs with her bags.

"Bye sweetie."

And that's her day every morning. Once everyone leaves she usually just goes to her office and writes until she goes to bed. Her husband doesn't come back until ten o'clock and her kids don't get home from school until six. And when they do they've already eaten and just want to go to bed.

But she can't complain she has money, fame, and a 'perfect' little family. So she should be happy right? She's got a great life, so she should be happy. She has an amazing career and two beautiful children and a successful businessman as a husband. Of course she should be happy. Is she happy? Why isn't she happy? Why isn't this life good enough anymore?

Kate makes herself another cup of coffee before going to back into her office. It's very cluttered in there. She has paper balls everywhere, pens with no caps, post-it's posted on almost every surface, papers on her cork board, coffee stains on her desk, trash can over piled, and a million half eaten sandwiches. She knows it's dirty but she works best in clutter.

At her lame attempt to write she finally gives up for the day and heads into the bathroom. She runs her bath water and adds her favorite cherry scented soap. Back in the kitchen she pulled out her favorite bottle of wine and poured herself a generous amount in her glass. Grabbing her favorite book off the shelf as she walked past, she made her way back into the bathroom. She tied her hair up before stripping down and tossing her clothes into her hamper.

Slowly she stepped into the hot water, letting it ease the tension in her muscles away. As the bubbles began to reach her chin she turned the water off and reached for her book. Her favorite book by her favorite author.

_In the Hail of Bullets_

_by Richard Castle._

To her this book is more than just a book. It's her savior, her light at the end of the tunnel, her shoulder to cry on. This book and the man behind the words helped heal her during one of the darkest times of her life. This book made her find the strength within herself to get out of bed in the mornings. This book is what gave her, her inspiration to write. Those words are the only things that can truly express everything that goes on within us. They tear us down and build us back up. And that's what she's been trying to do, build herself back up. But since she can't do it there's no doubt that Richard Castle can.

* * *

Richard Castle's plane touched down at JFK at five am. He figured since it's so early in the morning that the press wouldn't bother showing up. Boy was he wrong.

He stepped out of the plane and was immediately hit with flashing cameras and a million questions. He just flew in from China he didn't need this right now. How did they even know he'd be here?

Castle looked behind him to find his publisher Gina putting on her sunglasses and smiling for the cameras. Why didn't this surprise him? Gina is always finding ways to make his life more miserable than what it already was. Its five o'clock in the morning why would he want his picture taken? Why would he want to answer questions? All he wants is to go home and pass out on the couch. He just finished his longest book tour ever so he doesn't want to be hounded by haughty reporters right now.

"I'm so gonna kill you for this," Castle muttered into Gina's ear.

"It was your girlfriend's idea. She wanted to come in and save the day."

"Wow," he snorted. This didn't surprise him either. Meredith was always looking for a way to be dramatic and this definitely topped her last stunt. He thought she was doing nice things for him but it turned out she was only doing these things so he would take her to the fancy parties. She wanted to meet the "important people" to help further her acting career. So far she's only been in commercials and she wants to broaden her acting stance.

When they walked out of the airport there was Meredith standing there to take home and "save the day."

With his car!

How the hell did she even get a key?

"Kitten," she whined. "I heard that reporters were here and I thought I'd drive you home instead of the limo. That way they won't follow." Sadly she was right and wistfully he was going to have to pay her back for doing this oh so sweet thing for him. Please believe she's doing this out of the kindness of her heart, otherwise he has a very bad girlfriend.

She talked his ear off the whole way back to his loft and he was too tired to even voice a "shut up." because that's the type of mood he's in. he doesn't want to do anything but sleep. Luckily traffic was light and they were able to get home in no more than twenty minutes. As soon as Castle hit the mattress he was out like a light. Not even Meredith's constant attempts to wake up him could stir him from his slumber.

Richard Castle has been writing for as long as he can remember. He has multiple books published and tons of fame. He likes to believe he's famous for his talent although everybody and their mother knows that's not the real reason. He's famous because he's a playboy bachelor, or at least that's what the tabloids like to depict him as. He hates that his fan base is mainly women, who buy the books, don't read them, and then come to book signings saying "I'm your biggest fan! I've read all your books!" But a part of him hopes that there are some people out there who appreciate what he's written and understands the message he's trying to send.

"Richard," a woman called poking him in the arm. "Richard. Richard!" she yelled getting more agitated. "Richard darling wake up!"

Castle woke up quickly to a redhead staring at him right in the face. He wasn't trying to deal with her either.

"Mother! What did I say about coming into my room? Especially when I'm sleeping," Castle whined.

"I'm sorry but you need to get up. You've been sleeping for over a day. I didn't want you do die of dehydration."

He looked at her puzzlingly. "What time is it?"

"Its seven thirty in the morning."

"I've been sleep for two hours," he said falling back onto his pillow.

"No no dear. It's Tuesday."

"You're lying."

"Nope check your phone."

Castle brought his phone from out of his pants pocket to check the date. "It's dead."

"Well if you've only been sleep for two hours how is your phone dead? You always charge it on the plane."

She had a point. Did he really sleep Monday away? For some reason he found that to be very cool. Awesome actually.

"I think i probably should get up."

"Yeah. Me too. And you should shower. You smell." When Castle groaned at her comment she added a delightful, "see you in the kitchen."

Reluctantly, Castle dragged himself out of bed and towards his bathroom to shower and brush his teeth. He could only imagine how bad his morning breath is.

While standing under the hot spray of the shower Castle began to evaluate his life. He has his mother who lives with him because her ex-husband stole all her money and he has his girlfriend who uses him for his fame. Otherwise he has a fantastic career and fans who love him for his looks. Man his life is awesome!…..no…not really.

He walked into the kitchen an hour later to find his mother sitting at the counter drinking a cup of coffee. He poured himself a cup and went to walk back into his office when Martha felt the need to begin a conversation.

"How're you feeling kiddo?"

"I'm fine."

"No you're not. I can see something's up with you and that girl. Goodness Richard how long are you willing to put up with her?"

"She's not that bad," he said trying more so to convince himself than his mother.

"Why are you punishing yourself? You certainly deserve better than that."

"Why are we talking about this? You stopped caring about who I dated since high school. Why the sudden interest?"

"Richard of course I care about who you are dating. I care about your happiness. And I can tell that girl does not make you happy."

"Don't you have an audition today? Maybe you should be worried about that."

"Oh yes I do! I have a strong feeling about this one darling. It's the one."

"Where have I heard that before?" he asked walking out of the kitchen.

"Ha-ha funny man. Avoiding the subject is easy but avoiding your life is impossible!"

"La la la can't hear you!"

Once in his office, he shut the door behind him, and sat down at his desk. He took a notepad out from the drawer in his desk and began to write down how it felt to sleep for over a day. He still couldn't believe it.

"I'm so pathetic," he whispered to himself. He's excited about oversleeping. What has his life turned out to be? Definitely not the way he wanted, not the way he intended. It's like he's hit a dull area or a grey area in his life. And he needs something to make it shine again. But nothing seems to be enough. What is it that he needs? The last time this happened he became a writer, but now? What will he do now?


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay I wanted to clarify some things for anyone who's confused. Kate had the twins when she was 16. They're 18 now which makes her 34. Also in this her mother was still murdered when she was 19. Alexis is not born yet and for the sake of the story lets say Castle is 38.**

**i hope you're still with me on these terms. Please enjoy chapter two!**

* * *

Kate was still sitting in the tub an hour later. The water had gone cold, her suds gone, her wine glass empty, but she was still sitting in there so deeply immersed in Castle's book. She was so into it that she hadn't noticed when her phone began to ring in the other room. It rang five times before she jumped out of the tub quickly and ran to her bedroom to get it. But once she picked up she wished she hadn't.

"Kate you haven't been in to see me in two weeks. I'm getting worried."

"Dr. Parish, I've just been so busy with my new book I haven't had time."

"You'll be in today?"

Damn damn damn! She didn't want to go in. The last thing she needs is for word getting out that her husband is making her see a psychiatrist because he believes something is "wrong" with her. She'll admit that she's been a little down lately but nothing that requires medical attention. She wishes Dr. Parish will see that and stop bugging her to come to her sessions. She knows she hasn't been in the past two weeks! She did this on purpose!

"Yeah," she's lying. She knows she isn't going anywhere near that stupid place or her.

"Are you really? Or will you call back two hours later and tell me something came up?"

Damn damn damn! Can't lie to a psychiatrist. "I'll be in."

"Great. I look foreword to our session."

"Greeeat," she whined hanging up the phone.

* * *

"How do you feel today Kate?" asked Dr. Parish.

"Fine."

"How have you been these past two weeks?"

"Fine."

"How's your husband?"

"Fine."

"The kids?"

"Fine."

Okay, she knows she's being difficult right now but she doesn't care. She never agreed to these stupid sessions but her wonderful husband thought she should go because she spends majority of her time alone that she needs someone to talk to. Clearly her husband doesn't know her as well as he should. When she's alone is typically when she gets her best writing done.

"You know if you don't talk to me you'll be having these sessions longer right?"

"Are you getting angry doctor?" Okay now that's just immature. But she couldn't help the smile crept onto her face. It's taking everything in her not to laugh.

"Of course not Mrs. Sorenson I'm simply making a point."

Ugh! She's never been Mrs. Sorenson. She's always been Beckett even after the wedding. Is it a shame she hates that that is her last name? Maybe it has to do with the fact that she knows her husband is cheating on her.

"Of course Dr. Parish."

"Are you going to talk to me?"

"What do you wanna know?" she sighed.

"How have you been? Really?"

Kate rolled her eyes before settling against the couch and closed her eyes. "I know I haven't been well. Or myself to put into a prominent term. Its like everything's grey."

"Can you describe it?"

"It's grey." Dr. Parish made a note on her computer before turning back to Kate. "That's annoying."

"What?" Kate gestured to the computer keys. That's when she took out a pad with paper and a pen. Old school. "Tell me more Kate."

"Ummmm. My husbands cheating on me." She said with no emotions, and so matter-of-factly that you'd think she approved of it. That she didn't care what her husband did.

"How do you know?"

"It's just a feeling."

"So he might not be?"

"Maybe. But I'm pretty sure. It's just a matter of time before he screws up."

"What about you're writing? How's that been going?"

Kate laid back on the couch and exhaled loudly. She's asking way too many personal questions. Her writing? Off limits. "Fffffine."

"Mmhmm," she commented before writing in her notepad. "Is that a sensitive topic?"

"Yes," she answered sternly.

"Okay well I guess you can go. I'll see back here next week though?"

"Yup." she wasn't being sarcastic, she really meant it.

* * *

Rick Castle was sitting at his desk until two that afternoon. He couldn't bring himself to write anything that made the least bit of sense. His mother was out, you know being Martha Rodgers, and his girlfriend? Who the hell knows what she's doing. He settled on taking a walk. Its not too chilly outside yet so a walk through Central Park might give him the inspiration he needs. And so he grabbed a jacket from his closet and left the apartment.

As he's walking down the street he can't help but be drawn to a familiar smell. It's coffee and not just any coffee either.

A year ago he came into this diner drunk wanting a cup of coffee and it was the best he's ever tasted but he could never remember the name of it. He spent three months looking for this place and could never find it. But now after it's been so long just the smell of it can bring him back to the past and correctly identify it as the coffee he's loved for so long. He won't forget it this time; in fact he's going to write it down in his travel notebook so he doesn't forget.

_Remy's_.

Perfect name for a place like this. Actually he noticed that very few people are in the diner. He likes that aspect of it. It'll make people watching a lot easier because he can focus on one person rather than getting distracted by other groups. But he isn't staying Central Park is his destination and that's where he shall go.

Castle stood in line and bought his coffee. Once it was handed to him his mouth immediately started watering for the hot liquid. It'd been so long since the last time he had some of this coffee. He vows never go that long again. His brain wouldn't be able to function.

He got out of the line and headed for the door. As he was walking he closed his eyes and smelled the strong scented aroma coming from his cup. It smelled like…pure bliss and peace. Two things he desperately needs right now. When he opened the door and brought his eyes up the next thing his brain could process was his coffee cup on the floor with its entire delicious flavor being spilled out. He looked up at the culprit ready to be angry with him for murdering his happiness but when his eyes locked with the person in front of him he couldn't even form a coherent sentence.

It wasn't a guy, she, she was a woman. She was all woman in fact. Long light brown hair pulled up into a pony tail and piercing green eyes that he swears can see right through to his soul. Her face is just so…beautful doesn't even begin to describe it. She's stunning, gorgeous, ravishing, sublime, resplendent, bewitching, and pulchritudinous. All those combined doesn't even equal half of how marvelous she is. He's never seen such a beauty before in his life.

Then his eyes rake down to her body…that line of thinking will not end innocently. But that's when he notices the coffee stains all over her and the "0" her mouth is making. At least now finally he can form some type of language.

"I-I'm so. This," he shakes his head rapidly. "Never happens. I going but aroma sooo good."

"Please stop talking," she commands and he obliges. "Take a deep breath and start over."

"I'm sorry," he manages to say. So far so good. "This never happens to me I usually watch where I'm going but this coffee had me in a trance. It smells so good. And I'm sorry I've ruined your clothes."

"And my skin. This is hot. No scolding. Excuse me," she says grabbing her bag and walking past him to go into the bathroom.

He doesn't know what to do. Should he leave? Should he stay and apologize again? Should he offer to have her clothes dry cleaned? Should he pay for her dry cleaning? Maybe he should buy her coffee. No it's too soon for her to have to face coffee again. He probably should stay away from coffee too until he's within distance from people.

Wait a minute.

He's being ridiculous right now. He's a human being and human beings make mistakes like the one he just made. She's a human being that will accept his offer of paying for her dry cleaning and the coffee. But she doesn't look like a human… More like a goddess.

He sees her when she comes out of the bathroom. She's different now. Her hair is down in messy curls that frame her face and her clothing is much more casual for a March afternoon. But it doesn't mask her beauty. He wants to know her; he wants to be a part of her life so he can see her everyday. He wants to know, no, needs to know her name. He wants to know everything about her.

When she sees him she gives him a small smile. "Okay call me crazy but I couldn't help but taste your coffee." His heart leaped in his chest at the thought of her, this beautiful woman, tasting the coffee off her skin. "How the hell can you drink it? It's disgusting?"

It takes a minute for him to realize what she just said. "What? This place makes the best coffee I've ever tasted!"

"Oh yeah that I know. But hazelnut? Come on."

"How do you not like hazelnut? It an American pastime."

"No it isn't," she chuckled.

"You're right but it could be. Its that close."

"Riight."

He smiled at her for a moment then he just stared. Talking to her was abnormally easy. Usually when he meets new people he's a little shy but not with her. Talking to her felt like he's been talking to her for years, no matter how brief their conversations was.

"So I've been standing here thinking about how I can make this up to you. I've considered paying for your dry cleaning.?"

"Umm thanks but I can handle it."

"Can I buy you a coffee? Or is it too sooon? You still a little traumatized?"

"Yes I wouldn't mind you doing that. But not hazelnut. I'm not trying to die."

"Funny."

After Castle paid for her coffee and he bought another one for himself he asked her if she had any plans for the day.

"Yes actually I'm meeting someone. But it was nice to meet you and thanks for my coffee and my ruined yoga outfit. Its much appreciated."

Castle shook his head and laughed at himself. Smitten describes him perfectly. "I'm sorry."

"I'm kidding. Its really no big deal. Don't sweat it."

She walked away and sat at a corner booth by herself. He didn't asked for her name because he spotted the wedding ring on her finger.


	3. Chapter 3

Kate Beckett sat at the back of the diner when the man who spilled his coffee on her left. She couldn't help but think he looked a little familiar but she couldn't place it. But she wasn't going to be focusing on that while she was here. She came to clear her mind.

Before she left her appointment that stupid doctor got something in her head. Does she know for sure that Will's cheating? No she doesn't. But she can feel it. It's the same thing with her children. She raised them to always be honest and pure, especially her daughter. And now look. She's pretty sure both of them are sexually active.

Her life wasn't meant to turn out this way. Its not what she imagined and its not what she wants the rest of her life to look like. Her children only talking to her when they want something and her husband gone all the time to screw some bimbo. And the one thing that helps her keep it all together is failing her too. She can't write and if she can't write then she isn't herself. It's a mess! Her life is a great big mess and she doesn't know how to fix it. She doesn't know what she needs to get herself back on track.

She finishes the rest of her coffee and heads out onto the street. She doesn't know where she's going. She doesn't have a particular place in mind. Just somewhere that she can think straight. All her thoughts in are in order instead of this jumbled mess that she has going on right now.

Its her husband. He's her husband!

Just the thought of him lying with a another woman…it brings tears to her eyes, and now they're silently gliding down her cheeks, landing on the sidewalk as she walks. How could he? What if he's been doing it in their bed? What if he loves her? What if he leaves her? What if he gets custody of the kids? What if her kids don't care about her? What if the kids know about him cheating? What if he doesn't care that he's cheating? What if he doesn't love her anymore?

Damn. It's the writer in her coming up with these worst case scenarios and they're not making her feel any better than she was ten minutes ago. But does she know for sure that he's cheating? No she doesn't. so where is this feeling of betrayal and hurt coming from? How come she feels like someone stabbed her.

Stabbed.

That's it that's why she feels like this. She hasn't thought about this for five years now but she knows that's it. She purposely has tried to forget this because it was too painful for her to bear. It still is too painful.

Her mother. The one person who would be able to soothe her right now can't because she's dead. She's been dead for fifteen years, and Kate still isn't over it. Today's her birthday. Her mind must've forgotten but her heart could never forget. It'll always remind her of the pain that's there, of the scar that's on her heart because of this. It binds her to the darkest darkness there could possibly be. She surprises herself every year when she manages to break free of the chains for a small period of time before she finally takes the gun to blow out her brains.

She finds herself crying harder and people are starting to take notice. She ducks into Central Park and hides behind a tree to get some privacy so she could cry without holding back. No one's around that she can see, so she just lets it all go. She sobbing from all the sorrow's she has to face in her life. From all the countless times she's been hurt and disappointed by people. She has to rely on herself because everyone else is, has been, or will fail her. And she just doesn't know if she'll be able to take anymore because she finally cracks and spasms out on everyone in her life. before she has a complete mental break down.

She's crying so hard while slumped up against a tree that she doesn't notice he man that's standing beside her watching her with every sob she makes. he reaches out to gently touch her shoulder and to tell her it's going to be alright. But he starts with a whispered "Hey." and when she hears him she jumps. "I didn't mean to scare you."

No she's not scared she's embarrassed to have been caught in her most vulnerable state. Right now she's fragile and the smallest thing could cause her to go spiraling. And what's worst of all is that this is same guy who spilled his coffee on her earlier today and she had let him so see her so confident and strong. And now look he's standing here next to her watching her get all flustered over him seeing her cry.

He kneels down beside her and takes her hand. From this angle she has a better look at his eyes. She's never seen eyes so deep a blue as his. No wait. She has she just can't pinpoint it. She knows she knows this man. He's so familiar.

She can't bring herself to speak she's still mortified over being caught. No one has ever seen her this way before and she'd rather keep it that way. She doesn't need strangers like him talking about her to his friends and family. Maybe even his coworkers.

"Here lets get you off the ground." she complied only because she doesn't have the energy to fight him. "I don't know about you, but I hate seeing beautiful women cry. It literally breaks my heart." She shakes her head at him because that line is really stupid and he's a fool if he thinks its going to work on her.

"Come sit over here and talk to me."

"I'm fine. I don't need your help."

"You're clearly not fine," he said gesturing to her tear stained face. She gave him her best smile, the only one she could ravage up right now. And it would look genuine to the untrained eye but he sees right through it. Something is terribly wrong with this girl and he wants to know what, he wants to help.

With tears streaming down her face and still forming in her eyes she smiled at him the best she could salvage and said, "I'm fine."

_It worked this time..._

He couldn't believe it. This woman is incredible. She literally took his breath away. She just look him the eyes with tears in her eyes, smiled, and said she was fine. She's clearly not fine but the way she could look him dead in the eye has his mind on a whirl. Its amazing but its sad at the same time. It shows how much strength she has in her heart but it also shows that her strength could potentially be her weakness.

"I'm not going to leave until you talk about what's bothering you. I know it may seem pushy but I honestly hate seeing people cry."

"Um its nothing specific," she whispered after a few minutes of silence. She figured after today she wouldn't have to see this man again so what's the harm in talking a few things out. Better with a stranger than with Dr. Parish. She would just judge.

"Come on. Lets go back to Remy's I swear I won't spill coffee on you and we can talk."

She's staring at him wondering what this mans agenda is. Why does he care so much? Why can't he just leave her alone to cry? In peace!

Then he stretches his hand toward her and for some reason she takes it without even thinking. Does she really want to talk to him?

Yes she does. Because he seems like a sweet guy and she could use someone to talk to. She has so much going on with her that it wouldn't hurt to discuss one topic with him. He might even offer some great advice.

"Okay," she says almost imperceptibly because tears are still caught in her throat.

This will be good for her. She's not nervous to share her private life with a stranger who looks way too familiar at her favorite diner which he most likely will be coming to alot more now. Of course she's not nervous. What's there to be nervous about?


	4. Chapter 4

They walked back to remy's in silence. He's hoping that the long silent walk won't dissuade her from talking. This is a beautiful woman who clearly has problems that she needs to talk about. If no one in her life can see it then he won't let her go without talking.

They're side by side and he has to resist the urge to touch her. When he first laid eyes on her she took his breath away, and he can't help himself. He wants to touch it, her beauty. He wants it to radiate onto him, he wants to see it feel it and capture it everyday. He's never seen a woman like her before so he will not let this opportunity slip away.

So when remy's came into view he nudged her shoulder and gestured towards the diner. He could smell his coffee as they approached.

It was just a nudge but it was enough to provide relief and to set off another wave. He wants to do it again.

When they sat down at a booth in the back of the diner she moved to the opposite side of him. Probably too keep the space between them.

"Okay so why don't we start with your name?"

"What are we doing an interview?"

Castle chuckled nervously. "No I'm sorry. Why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"

Kate sighed and put her head down, forcing her hair to curtain her face. He couldn't see her but even still she was still beautiful to him.

"Uhh it's complicated."

"I'll try to keep up."

"I think my husband's cheating on me."

"How long have you guys been together?"

"Together?" She confirmed looking up at him with new tears forming in her eyes. "Since high school. We got married six years ago."

"Long time then? I'm so sorry I know how it feels to have someone step out on you. I've never been married but it certainly feels like we are."

"I'm sorry that you do. No one needs this feeling in their life," she whispered.

"Do you know who the girl is?" She shook her head no and avoided his eyes. He figured it was a defense mechanism, to keep her guarded. "You think it's better that way?"

Kate shrugged and leaned back. She only agreed to come because she thought talking to a stranger would help but she's not doing a good job of opening up. This isn't how she intended for this to go.

And you know what else is bothering her? This man looks so God damn familiar and she still can't figure out who is he or why she knows him. It's driving her crazy right now. And she's wondering if he feels the same way.

"It's not like it'd be any better. Cheating's cheating no matter who you do it with."

"That's true. Does he know you know?"

"I don't think so. I mean I don't even know if I know. It's just a hunch but I'm usually not wrong."

Castle stayed silent for a minute and just stared at her. There's something bothering him but he just doesn't know how to approach it. Their relationship is still new (they just met today) so he doesn't know how she'll react to his next statement. But he can tell from her eyes that she's a runner. She likes to hide. Even if its just through her words.

"What are you hiding? There's clearly more that's wrong here," he said leaning in toward her face. Little did he know that that would be the thing to make her crack, again.

Kate broke out in sobs. He was right, she is holding back, but she doesn't want to anymore. It's not like she has to see him again.

She made a mental note not to come back here ever again.

"My mother was murdered fifteen years ago today and I forgot. I thought I was over it because I haven't felt this bad in years. I was able to grieve and move on and I don't know why all of a sudden it's like she just died yesterday. And my kids," she paused when she needed to take a breath from her rambling. "My kids absolutely hate me! And I don't know why. I'm not close with either one."

Castle stood up and ca w over to her side of the booth and face her a hug. No words could help her right now. Just the comfort of a friend, of a warm a body that can console her. And since he's apparently the only one in her life right now that gives a crap he'll be that warm body.

Once her sobs slowly calmed down into small trembles, he finally spoke into her ear.

"I think I know why you feel this way about your mom all of a sudden." Kate lifted her head off of his chest and looked up into his eyes waiting for his explanation. "It's because you think your husbands cheating and because of your relationship with your kids isn't good. She's the one you would normally talk to about this and since she's not here you feel alone."

She put her head back down and repositioned herself into the crook of his neck. She likes how this feels. It's comfort it's solitude it's...peace. She doesn't feel like she's in a war with her mind while wrapped in his arms. So this right now is the safest place she can be.

Why?

Why does she feel like this with a complete stranger? Is it because she feels like she knows him? But still...

"I think you might be right. But it doesn't make it hurt any less."

"What do you normally do when you're like this?"

"You're assuming that I'm like this all the time?"

"Well feeling like this doesn't just come over night. There had to have been a build up, even if it was a while ago."

Kate sighed against him and he had to fight the shudder that threatened to pass through him because of it. "You're right. It's been here for as long as I can remember. I guess it just chose today to surface."

"What helps you?" He asked absentmindedly stroking her hair.

"Writing use to help me. But now it seems like it's one of the things tearing me down."

"We have to find you something else to make you happy."

"I don't get happy," she whispered. Castle's heart broke for this woman. She's facing so many traumatic things in her life right now and it's weighing heavily on her mind. No person should have to bear a burden this massive. He wishes there was more he could do.

Castle thought his little life was bad, well this woman certainly has it worse. He no longer has any right to complain.

"Do you have anyone else in your life who you can talk to?"

"My husband makes me go to therapy so I have her, but she isn't much help."

"You know you have to let her help you? You can't just expect her to know how to help if you don't talk to her."

Kate sighed loudly and moved out of his arms. She's retreating and she knows it.

"I know that." She won't look at him.

"Look I know it must be hard to do that but if you want it you gotta help yourself." Castle reached over and grabbed her arm gently, just hoping that she'll turn and face him.

She didn't.

"You can talk to me. My life isn't that great right now as I could use a friend. Here," he said pulling out a pen and paper. "Call me whenever you need me. Even if its just to talk or you need a hug."

"I don't need this," she said bitterly.

"Yeah you do. Trust me I can see in your eyes how desperate you are to get out of this whole your in."

She turned to face him quickly and said, "I have to go." She got up from the booth, her butt grazing his thighs, as she walked through. When she was out she continued with, "My daughter has a soccer game."

Caste was upset that she left so suddenly but he expected it. He knew she was the running type but he's not worried.

She grabbed his number on the way out.

**I don't know if you guys heard but after April I won't be able to update. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get some in but I can't make any promises. I hope when I do come back that you're still with me. I would hate to lose you guys over this.**


	5. Chapter 5

T**rying to get as much writing done as I can before may!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? Why was he being so nice to her? He doesn't even know her!

But what's worse than his kindness is the fact that she liked being with him. He was so warm and in when he hugged her all the pain seemed to go away. She felt safe. A feeling she only knows when she's reading.

And she knows him. She knows that she knows him, but she just can't seem to figure out where from.

She made sure she got out of the diner as quickly as she could so he couldn't catch up with her. After knowing for what? Three hours? She knows that he could've convinced her to stay.

Anna doesn't really have a game today it was just an excuse to get out of there. She needed to leave because he was scaring her with how well he was catching on, with how he seemed to know her in just that small amount of time. It was scary.

She gets that he's a stranger and he probably just wanted to give her a few encouraging words but she wasn't expecting him to actually listen to what she's saying. He was evaluating her. And telling her what he thought and it actually made sense.

Her mom isn't here to help her with the complications of her life, and it hurts. She's the one she would go to whenever she needed help, whenever something was going wrong in her life. And now with everything going on with her husband, her kids, her career, she needs her mother more than ever right now.

But he, whatever the hell his name is, gave her comfort that she hasn't felt since her mom died. And it felt so good that it hurt when she ripped herself from his embrace.

She wishes she knew his name, she wishes that she was brave enough to go back, she wishes that they would meet again. But she won't get any of those things.

She unfolds the piece of paper that has his number on it and stares. He didn't write his name, all it is is his number. She put it in her phone and saved the number under the name "Him." Her husband doesn't go through her phone so she doesn't care how it looks.

"Him" as made her feel more at home than she's felt in years. "Him" has provided more comfort for her than her husband has done in years. "Him" has cared about how she's feeling more than anybody in her life has in years. So who cares if her husband sees it. She sure as hell doesn't.

She walks home after she saves the number, needing to be off the street. She takes the long way hoping she won't catch him in any of the smaller areas.

She's tired. When she gets home she quickly undresses and changes into some pajamas. Her body hurts. Everything does, every last inch of her is aching and to make it worse her body is calling out for "Him" and there's nothing she can do about it. Sure she can call him tell him where she lives and fuck the shit out of him on her bed but this is real life and people just don't do that.

And plus she figures from his ruggedness and his kindness that he's in a relationship. And she knows it must be serious.

She sighs and plops down on her bed. It's not the comfortable arms that she wants but it'll have to do, for she doesn't have a choice.

With her arms and legs spread wide on her California king bed Kate slot falls asleep. Maybe it's exactly what she needs right now...

* * *

When Kate wakes up a half hour later she orders some Chinese and walks to her office. She sat down at her desk and took out a pad and paper and began to write. She's not entirely sure what she's writing but she won't turn down any ideas that flow through her at this point. Every one that she gets is a miracle.

She's lost in thought when she hears someone knocking on her front door. She paid for her Chinese and headed for the living room. She curled up on the couch with her food next to her and In the Hail of Bullets in her lap.

She reached over the book trying to grab her glass of wine when it fell, face first onto the floor. She went to go pick it up when her eyes fixed on the picture on the back of the book.

The picture was of Richard Castle and he looks just like the man who spilled his coffee on her. He is the man who spilled his coffee on her!

She was talking to her favorite author about her life problems. Oh goodness. She doesn't know what to think about this. Yes she's excited because she actually met Richard Castle but she's also scared...what if he uses her tragic little life in his next book? She wouldn't be able to handle it.

Plus, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy to do that. He's sweet and caring and he just wanted her to stop being upset. And she pushed him away.

Now reading his books won't help because it'll just make her feel worse about ditching him at the diner. She treated him like crap all because he figured her out. And now she can never read one of his books again or even see him again. It's good that he didn't know her at least that would make it better.

* * *

Castle went home after she left the diner. He knew she wasn't going to come back so there was no point of staying.

When he got there Meredith was sitting on top of his desk in nothing but a robe with her legs wide open. The sight shocked him at first but then he quickly shrugged her off.

"Get off of my desk," he demanded walking past her to get into his bedroom. Meredith quickly followed.

"I love when you're bossy."

"I'm not bossy I'm in a bad mood."

"Even better," she said pushing him so he would fall backwards onto the bed.

"I'm tired Mere."

"And I'm horny. You don't have to do anything. I'll do all the work."

She began undoing his belt and pants, pulling them down and all the way off. She then took his jacket and shirt off, leaving him fully exposed.

"Hurry up at least. I'm hungry and I wanna shower."

Meredith took him in her hand and began to stroke it slowly, playing with the tip to get some moisture on her hands.

Soon she took him into her mouth and felt him harden under her tongue. That's exactly how she wanted him.

She crawled up his body and lowered herself down on his erection. She began jumping him ferociously without any warning causing a deep groan to leave Castle.

Meredith was so lost in it that she wasn't listening to Castle yelling at her to stop.

"God Mere! Stop ow ow please."

"What?" She asked after she climaxed. "Did I?"

"Yes," he yelled getting up and running to the bathroom, holding his shaft the whole way. "I think you broke it!"

"Stop over exaggerating. Just go get checked out."

"Get out!" He yelled from the bathroom. "I can't look at you right now."

"I have to go anyway Richard I have an audition."

Castle whispered, " fuck you," when he heard the front door close.

He quickly showered, being careful not to hurt himself further. After he dressed he grabbed a frozen pack of peas out of the freezer and laid down in his bed.

In bed he had dinner, some snacks, and one if his favorite books called Masking Darkness. Surely it would take his mind off of his awoken unit.

But he couldn't concentrate on it. His mind kept wondering back to the woman he was speaking to at the diner.

It was something about her that intrigued him, minus her beauty. But he tried not to dwell on it because thinking about her would lead to, as if right now, problems with his down there.

She's going to call, he knows it.


	6. Chapter 6

**For anybody who was reading my new story: sorry I deleted it, too much hate. **

* * *

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. It's been seven days since he seen his goddess last. When she grabbed his number before leaving Remy's he swore that she would call. But instead here he is, left waiting around for phone call that never happened after a whole week. A week!

It's been 168 hours and nothing. He does even know her name. When he found her crying underneath that tree he could see the amount of devastating pain she's in. It was in the way her sobs sounded leaving her throat, the way her shoulders were hunched, the tightness of her eyelids, the way tear after tear fell from her eyes down her cheeks and onto the ground. The way her body was trembling, the way she was trying to let go all the tragic things going on in her life. She looks so small so fragile and so vulnerable that he couldn't help but reach out and comfort her. When he first realized it was the same woman he spilled his coffee on she looked so wasn't the tall, beautiful, confident goddess he first laid eyes upon, but a small, gentle, broken, damage, human being who was just looking for answers, for a better life.

"Richard darling." Martha called walking into his office. "What what on earth are you doing?"

"Seeing if people can actually read minds."

"Why? Or do I want to know?"

"I want to get in contact with her. The woman from the diner."

"You really think that's going to work?" She asked not even attempting to hide her judgment.

"In times like these it's important to have faith."

"In something you know isn't going to work?"

"Fine! Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Yes actually I have a lunch date with Tom. I stopped by to give you the book you asked me to pick up."

"What book?" Castle asked shutting his laptop.

"The book by that Kate Beckett gal." She reached in her bag and pulled it out reading the title before handing it to Castle." Now I understand."

"I asked you to get me this two weeks ago."

"I was busy."

"Go your lunch date," Castle said shaking his head. "Before you give me a headache."

"I'll bring you back something dear."

"No need I'm going out. I have to get some writing done."

Castle kissed his mother on the cheek before she left. Before he headed out for a few hours he sat down and began reading his book.

It did not have a picture of the author on it.

* * *

"Katie baby listen to me. You need to do whatever it is you have too to write again. Because "writing block" isn't a legit excuse especially not with Little Brown. You need to have your next idea ready soon okay?" Explained Jack Thurman, Kate's publisher.

"Don't worry Jack I'll be fine. I've got few ideas now. I should have something solid by the meeting next month."

"Promise? 'Cause it's not just you on the line sweetie."

"I know Jack I got it okay? No worries," she said hanging up the phone.

Kate loves Jack she really does but he can be a pain in the butt sometimes. He's always pressuring her and never believes her when she says she's got it. She's pulled through so many times before she can do it again.

Kate was sitting in her apartment not doing much of anything. Her husband was still out of town, her kids are out with their friends so she has nothing to do. Correction, she has nothing she wants to do because she's supposed to be writing.

She tried writing earlier to see if any of the ideas she's been coming up with could progress to more. Nothing so far but she's not giving up yet. She's simply...taking a break. Yeah that's good.

After she tires of staring at her empty home Kate puts on some clothes and heads out. She has no where in particular she wants to go, but anywhere is better than this.

As she's walking the street she passes Remy's and her mind is wandering to Rick Castle. The man who provided her with so much comfort, so much warmth in just a few hours that her body actually ached when she wasn't with him anymore.

She won't lie, she misses him like crazy. He's been on her mind this entire week non stop. She's debated calling him several times but she doesn't know how he'll react. She left him so abruptly in the diner that now he might not want anything to do with her.

She's ruined the only chance she had to be best friends with her favorite author. How awesome would that have been? Of course he would never know but still. Being friends with the person who's words gave her the strength to get up and move on everyday. The one who's words encouraged her to face her demons and not be afraid to cry. Yes it would have been great, but now it's too late. Richard Castle doesn't want anything to do with her. And besides she's a basket case. Who wants to hang with someone like that? Like her?

She has a sudden craving for chocolate. A secret of hers that no one knows. Not even Will. She doesn't know why she keeps it a secret she just does. She barely ever eats it but when she does it's like heaven in your mouth, moms chicken soup when you're sick, or a hug when you're crying. It's just a beautiful explosion when it starts to melt in your mouth and its so sweet. Yes the sweetness, that's the best part.

She stops off at a corner store and grabs as much of it as she can without looking like a maniac. No ones really in the store so she thinks she's good. But what she didn't see was the man watching her from the outside of the window.

* * *

He spotted her from the other side of the street. He wanted to call out to her but he didn't know her name. So he just waited and followed and watched. He necessarily wouldn't call it stalking but he's just following her around until he finds the right time to make himself known.

Okay stalking. Essentially.

From when he first saw her she doesn't go far just down the street into a convenient store. When she goes in he watches her from the window.

God, she's beautiful. She's his goddess. He swears people should be worshipping her for just her beauty alone never mind her enormous amount of strength.

From afar you wouldn't be able to tell how much pain she's in. But he knows, regardless of all that eloquence, she's a sensitive, vulnerable, hurting, human being. And he wants to be there for her. He wants to help take that pain away.

So when she comes out of the store he makes himself known. She stumbles first but he's taken back too.

Shes more beautiful than he remembered.

**"Now I understand" is actually the title to a book I've written. Kate wanted to borrow it I guess.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Finally finished with all my AP tests!**

* * *

She honestly couldn't believe what she was seeing right now. Richard Castle was standing before her with a bag handing off his shoulder while staring at her. Could life get an weirder?

She didn't know what to think at first. Was he following her? If so, for how long? Or was this just some type of weird coincidence? Either way she knows she should say something instead of staring at him like he's ghost.

"Hi," he says before she could speak.

Her melts at the sincerity in his voice. For some strange reason she believed he would be angry with her because she never called him. But she's hit with a big bundle of relief at how cautious he was to even speak to her. She can't help but be a little grateful.

In fact she's _so_ thankful for his sincerity that she can't fight the overwhelming urge to throw herself into his arms. She missed it from those few hours at Remy's. she had found a comfort she's never had before. And so she lunges at him without a second thought.

She's been wanting to do this all week and now that she finally can it feels so good, he's so warm and giving because he immediately responded by hugging her back, just as tightly as she is him. Kate's face disappeared into the crook of his neck and she breathed him in. Why was this the only place she felt better? Felt wanted? And didn't even feel the emptiness inside her? She doesn't get it, it makes absolutely no sense.

_Wait...what is she doing? _

This is Richard Castle. Billionaire play-boy writer who can get any girl he wants. She shouldn't be doing this. It's her favorite author, she's a fan of this man, and this is creepy. He can never find out, he can never know.

So as quickly as she came she's pulling away to look at him with a flustered expression. Her body misses his warmth already...

"Uh-" she stammers. "Uh-I uh." She paused before looking up and meeting his eyes for a brief moment. "Bye," she says quickly before turning around and walking away as quickly as she could.

She barely made it three steps before he grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back.

"Don't leave," he pleaded.

How could she say no to that face? To those eyes? It's like he's got her hooked already and he hasn't even made an attempt to hook up with her. Since they met a week ago all he's shown her is compassion and understanding, guidance and comfort. Maybe she's judging too harshly...

Why should she leave? She clearly wants to stay with him. She'd rather feel warmth and safe than feel alone and unwanted.

"I'm going home."

"Is your family there?"

"No," she whispered.

"Great," he said as if it were his burden to bear. She suddenly felt the need to defend her families absence.

"My husband is a very busy business man so it's not unusual for him to be gone and both my kids are 18 so they do have important lives outside the house."

"I know you told me all of that. You even told me how you really felt about it."

Shit. She did do that didn't she? She has no excuses now, it's like he knows her entire life. Even the things she didn't tell him.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" She shook her head no before she even thought about what she was doing. "Do you want me to come home with you? I could keep you company."

She pondered this for a moment. Richard Castle, her favorite author, her confidant, is asking to keep her company and give her some comfort, because he knows how she feels inside.

Never again will she talk to a stranger.

"Oh-k," she said.

* * *

He can't believe he's found her. It's been a week and by a stroke of luck he's happened to catch her walking down a random street. When she said he could come with her to her place his heart did a back flip. He's found her _and_ he gets to spend time with her.

He doesn't know why but he's drawn to her in a way he's never been drawn to a person before. It's some invisible force pulling him to her. It's too strong for him to fight because this whole week he's spent without her he couldn't stop thinking about her. She was on his mind constantly. Her eyes, her hair, her body, the sadness in her voice, how good she felt in his arms, everything. He missed her and he's so happy to be with her now, on their way back to her place.

Maybe he could get her to talk to him some more...

They made their way back to her place in silence while the were in the cab. It wasn't until they were inside her apartment that either of them spoke.

"So what time are Anna and Martin supposed to be back?" Castle asked timidly. He wasn't sure if it was okay to talk about her family if she didn't initiate it first.

"Curfew on a weeknight is eleven."

"So you're gonna be alone until they come home?" He asked concerned. He knew enough about her to know that she didn't really have any friends and he feels no one should be alone that long. It's cruel and unfair.

"I'll be fine. I always manage," she said giving a fake smile.

Castle saw right through it and his heart broke for the woman. No one should have to go through this. It's as if life is punishing her and she isn't the one who's doing anything wrong. It just sucks and he desperately wishes he could just help take, at least, some of the pain away. She shouldn't feel the way she does all the time.

"I was going to watch a movie but we don't have to if you don't want," she said.

"Yeah a movies fine."

While Kate was in the living room working on which movie to watch Castle's curiosity was getting the better of him. He decided to look around some.

He scanned the kitchen, which he had to admit was a little better than his.

When he made his way into the adjacent room he felt all air disappear from his lungs. It was the most disgusting thing he's ever seen. There was paper everywhere and uncapped pens, half eaten sandwiches, and empty dirty looking coffee mugs. How does someone work in this?

He went inside and found a smaller room attached to the office. This room was much cleaner. But all that was inside was a couch, a floor lamp, and a floor to ceiling book shelf.

The books on the shelf are what caught his attention. There were so many and some, who has its own shelf, were his books. All of his books.

She has great taste. He even found all of Kate Beckett's books. They would have alot to talk about.

Before he could look any farther he heard her call out for him. "I'm in here!" He yelled.

When Kate saw what room he was in her eyes went wide with horror. He can't find out, she's so not ready.

"What's wrong?"

"You shouldn't be in here," she said opening the door all the way so the back of it would hit the wall, blocking it from view.

Castle sensed something was up and went to see why she hit the door so suddenly. She put up a protest but he shrugged her off.

When he opened it he couldn't believe his eyes. It was a picture of her and next to it was written "Kate Beckett! New York Times best selling author of "Masking Darkness."

His jaw dropped.


	8. Chapter 8

When Kate saw Castle's reaction her first instinct was to run. And so she did.

She didn't want to explain why she neglected to tell him the truth. It's not like she owes him anything. He's a stranger who she just happened to share everything that's going on in her life with.

_Shit_, she thought._ He probably seen all his books on my shelf. _

When Castle came back out into the living room Kate was sitting on the couch watching the television. He didn't recognize whatever it was that she was watching but he wasn't planning on watching anyway.

"Kate?" He said emphasizing the k. "Why didn't you tell me?" It was a challenge.

She didn't respond she just looked up at him from where he was standing for a while. She couldn't bring herself to tell him. It's not like he needs to know, it's not really important. She didn't tell him who she was simply because it never really came up. It's not like he told her who he was.

But he didn't have her number and she's the one who deflected when he wanted to start with names. Maybe she's the one at fault here.

Castle quickly realized that she wasn't going to answer the question and just sat down next to her on the couch and pretended to watch the movie.

Castle couldn't take his eyes off of Kate who he believed wasn't really watching the movie either.

He found her interesting. He already knew there was something about her that intrigued him but now that he knows who she is he's way more interested now. Knowing what she does for a living definitely helps shed some light on her situations and personality.

He's noticed that she's acting different towards him now. He wonders if it's because he knows who she is or because she realizes that now that he does know who she is she won't get rid of him. Truth is he's not going to treat her any different. This woman needs help and he wants to be there to help her. It could be that he's getting to know her too well and that's when she starts pushing away. If so, then she really needs him.

Castle knows he's not a saint and that he can't fix everything. Hell, he can't even fix the mess in his own life, but he feels like he can help Kate. He wants to be her friend, show her that life does get better and that it has it's up sides. As a fellow mystery writer he knows the darkness that comes with it. And if you let it, it could consume you and that's what Castle's afraid of, that she'll let it consume her and that she'll end up doing something stupid that she'll regret. He can't let that happen knowing there's something he can do about it.

He can't seem to tire of staring at her. He knows he's creepy right now and it's weird because they barely know each other but he feels comfortable with her. He's never been to a persons house and felt like he could fully be himself. Around Kate he doesn't have to hide. Even though she doesn't know him he would have no trouble showing her who he is.

She's still. He thinks maybe she's uncomfortable with him sitting so close. Especially when he just figured out who she is.

Kate was trying to watch the movie but her craving for chocolate was getting the best of her. It's growing, boiling up to the edge and she just can't hold it anymore.

She loves chocolate, probably more than life itself. But no one knows it. No one needs to know that she goes absolutely bonkers when it comes to her chocolate. She picks up a Hershey kiss and unwraps it slowly so Castle won't notice the urgency in her movements. This really isn't what she should be worried about seeing as how he knows who she is now and he's staring at her like she's hiding something.

Once she places the cold candy into her mouth flavors explode. The chocolate slowly melts into a puddle and she swears this is heaven. It's warm and sweet and comforting and exactly what she needs exactly what she's been craving.

She's so entranced and mystified that she doesn't even notice when she picks up the entire bag of chocolate and began eating it all, closing her eyes and letting small moans escape from her throat.

It's not until Castle clears his throat that she realizes what she's doing.

"You like chocolate huh?" He stated.

Kate put the bag to the side and shrugged. "It's okay." She knows that he knows that she's lying but she doesn't care nor will she admit that he's right.

"Kate," he spoke after a minute. He moved closer to her tugged slightly on her arm to gather her attention. She turned at the sudden touch at her elbow then looked up at Castle's soft blue eyes that were pouring into her with a genuineness she's never seen in any man before. "I know what's going on with you and I want you to know that I intend on staying. It's clear that you need some form of stability in your life and I want to be it. Let me be your friend."

Kate didn't speak. She couldn't.

"I know we just met but we can get to know each other."

Castle sat up directly on the couch and sat right beside her. He outstretched his hand toward her and spooked softly again, letting his breath tickle the face of her cheek. "Hi. I'm Rick Castle."

Kate looked down at his hand then back up into his eyes. She can either say yes or say no to a new future. It's clear he means every word he's said but she just can't bring herself to accept him. He was supposed to be a stranger, he was supposed to remain a stranger. But having that line of thinking is dumb. Kate knew just as well as Castle knew that it couldn't be that simple. Not after the way she opened up to him, telling him all her problems, not after the way she seeks his comfort, his warmth.

_Maybe she should shake his hand..._

Kate looks back down at his hand, closes her eyes and sighs. Castle heard her swallow thickly before...


	9. Chapter 9

"So tell me how you've been Kate," said Dr. Parish.

"I've been well. I've been really well." Kate couldn't help but smile shyly. There is a reason why she's been doing so well but she'll never say it out loud.

"That's great. What about your husband? Have you figured out if he's cheating?"

"No it hasn't been confirmed but I still have my suspicions. All week he's been sleeping on his couch at the office. And if he's not there he's in Atlanta. When he first started working with the company he was never this busy."

"I bet you miss him huh?"

"I do. Sometimes. But it's not as bad now."

"Why is that?" Dr. Parish asked, intrigued.

"I met someone."

Parish made an "oh" with her mouth before writing in her notepad.

"It's not like that. He's a friend. Well not really a friend we don't know each other that well but..yeah."

"He huh? What's his name?"

"Uh-," Kate cleared her throat to think of something to say. "Rick," she said quickly adding "short for Frederick."

"Tell me about him."

"Oh well uh he's a good listener. I could talk for hours and he would always be able to summarize what I say. He gives the best hugs. I don't know much about him though. We only just met a week ago. And I'm haven't seen him in a few days."

"When was the last time?"

"Thursday."

"Anything special happen on Thursday?"

She had to hide her blush while the memories from two days ago flooded her mind.

* * *

_Kate looks back down at his hand, closes her eyes and sighs. Castle heard her swallow thickly before she placed her hand gently into his. _

_"This is real?" She whispered. "You really want to do this?"_

_"Yes. Kate I want to help make it better and if that means being the only person in your life to care then so be it."_

_She smiled at him before standing above him then leaning down to give him a hug. Castle ended up pulling her closer so she ended up sitting on his lap. "Thank you," she said into his ear. _

_"Of course. Whenever you need me I'm only a phone call away. So call me."_

_"I will."_

_"Good. Now talk to me. Why didn't you tell me who you were?"_

_Kate rolled her eyes and moved to sit next to him. "Does it matter?"_

_"Yes!"_

_"Did it matter at the time? I practically told you my life story. Is the fact that I'm a writer really important?"_

_"When you put it like that I guess not. When did you figure out who I was? Or did you know since I spilled my coffee on you?"_

_"No. Couple days ago. I saw the picture on the back of one of your books."_

_"Were you going to tell me you were a fan?"_

_Kate scoffed. "I'm not a fan. I simply just like all of your books."_

_Castle raised an eye brow at her. _

_Okay yeah it's basically the same thing, but she won't admit it. Never will she tell him that she's a die hard fan of him. Maybe one day in the future she'll tell him what his books mean to her but for now he'll have to settle with what she can give him. _

_"It's okay I understand," he says giving her a smug smile. _

_"Understand what?"_

_He didn't respond and for a minute Kate convinced herself that he can read her mind. It seems as if he knows what she's thinking all the time. But that's ridiculous he can't read minds. _

_Neither of them spoke for a while. They simply sat in a comfortable silence, just excepting each others presence. _

_Every couple of moments Kate would steal a glance at Castle who was always looking at her. She just can't seem to wrap her mind around this, it's unbelievable. Richard Castle is in her living room staring at her and he wants to be her friend, to be a part of her life. His books always provided comfort and now she gets the real thing. _

_After they both were silent for a few minutes Castle spoke again. _

_"How've you been Kate? Really?" He asked with a softness so genuine that it melted her insides and had her reaching for him, she needed to feel it even if she had to settle on taking his hand. _

_"I've been better."_

_"Well it's been a week since we met has anything changed?"_

_"It's been a week?" Castle shook his head. "The days seem to," she sighed. "Mush together you know? I think I've lost my sense of time."_

_"How long has it been like this?"_

_"I think it's always been there, since she died. I just haven't noticed how much I missed her until that day. I've been suppressing her from my memories but my heart wouldn't let me forget." Kate's voice started cracking on the last sentence and Castle felt a pang of guilt rise within him. Why did he ask?_

_"Come here," he said grabbing her arm to guide her to his chest. When she laid her head down on his shoulder he wrapped both his arms around her, locking her into him. _

_"Some days it gets so hard to deal with. I don't even want to get out of bed sometimes."_

_Castle felt her body tensing up and a tear fall onto his chest. It's his fault, he had to ask her how she's been didn't he?_

_"I haven't been able to write. And all I want right now is someone to talk to but I've got no one."_

_"Well now you've got me. So no more worrying about that okay? Day or night, if you need to get something off your chest I'm always here. Even if we were to stop talking for six months I'll still answer your call."_

_Kate let out a sob that she had been keeping in. "Thank you Rick."_

_They sat there for a few minutes in silence while she calmed down. He never let her go nor did his grip on her ease. He held her tightly against him and every once in a while he would kiss the top of her head and smooth her hair down to calm her. _

_Once her sobs simmered down into small tremors did she speak again. But before she could could get a word in Castle's phone started to ring. It was his mother. _

_"I'm sorry. I have to take this."_

_"No it's okay."_

_After a short series of "uh huhs" and "I knows" Castle hung up. _

_"I'm sorry I have to go."_

_"Of course. I've held you long enough."_

_"No three hours isn't long enough with you."_

_"You'll see me again." She promised. "I'll call you."_

_"Really?" He asked disbelievingly. _

_"Yes." Kate stood up from the couch and walked towards the front door. Castle walked out but she took hold of his arm before he could leave. She quickly wrapped herself into one last time, squeezing just enough to reassure him that she's in this just as much as he is. Putting her lips right by his ear she whispered deeply, "thank you Richard Castle," before closing the door._

* * *

"Not really no."

"But this Rick must be important if he's making you smile like that," said Dr. Parish.

"Nope he's just someone. We don't talk about much."

"Okay. How are Anna and Martin?"

"Anna has been excelling in school this year. Martin is studying to take his SAT again this year. He didn't do so well the first time."

"Oh yes the SAT is vital for high school students who want to go to college."

"Yup."

"So Kate. Here's what I want you to do. Help Martin study for it. It could help his confidence level. Also talk to your husband. You can't keep going on like this it's not healthy."

"I know I will."

"Will I see you again next week?"

"Of course."


	10. Chapter 10

_Ever had Godiva chocolate? It's too die for!_

* * *

She really really _really_ hopes that she hasn't made the worst decision of her life. She's never been one to open up so willingly and now she has someone who she can completely open up to. With Castle all he has to do is ask and she'll tell him.

Maybe it has something to do with how she told him everything at the diner, so telling him things now don't seem that much intrusive. It's not hard for her to admit to him that she's had a bad day or that she wants to be held.

Wait

No she'll never admit that to him out loud but he knows when she needs it. Sometimes before she even knows that she needs a cuddle session or just a long bear hug. It's creepy because its like he's in her mind but at the same time it's perfect for her because if she can't will the words out of herself he can just do the action that she wasn't able to speak.

Kate's in her bathroom finishing up getting ready for another movie night with her...whatever. Labels aren't important.

She's showered, brushed her teeth, did her hair, and put on some make up. She is seriously hoping that she hasn't overdone her outfit. Why is she dressing up anyway?

He's not going to judge her. But that's not why.

She heard him knock in the door and before she goes to answer it she shoves a gulp of toothpaste down her throat. She's already brushed her teeth but she just wants to make sure she's good.

"Hey," she greeted when she opened the door.

"Hey," he responded but then quickly had to do a double take to take in her appearance. "Hey there."

"Come in. I've downloaded the movie from Netflix because I couldn't find my copy."

Castle came in and followed her into the living room. He set the bag he had in his hands down on the coffee table before taking Kate by the hand and pulling her into him.

Kate, being pulled so suddenly startled her which caused her to make a "oomph" sound when her chest landed against Castle's.

"I'm sorry I had to leave so suddenly Thursday. My mother was dealing with some serious boyfriend troubles and needed me to handle it."

"Oh it's okay Richard I understand. You don't have to apologize."

"You would've seen me yesterday but I took her to the hospital to make sure she was really okay."

"I just said it was okay. She's your family I completely understand."

"You're not upset?"

"Of course not," she sighed with a small laugh.

Castle smiled softly at her and held her gaze. Being so close gives him the perfect angle to look into her eyes, to really study them. So many colors ranging from brown to green. Hazel kept coming to mind as he stared deep into her eyes.

Kate felt her heart skip a beat and her breathing hitch. What's going on? Why does the skin under his hands suddenly tingle?

Neither of them are sure how, but during this brief conversation their hug turned into Kate wrapping her arms around Castle's neck and Castle having his hands pressed into her upper back.

He thinks he's falling in love with this woman. All she's doing is hugging him back then suddenly they both are staring into each others eyes and he's hit with an overwhelming urge to lean in.

But he doesn't because he's in a relationship and she's married and they're friends. Friends don't do this stuff. Not even friends with benefits.

"Uh I got you something," Castle announced finally looking away from Kate and walking over to the coffee table.

He pulled out a few bars of chocolate from the large brown bag and handed them to her. When Kate saw the familiar brown and gold wrapper her eyes immediately widened.

"Where did you find this?" She asked taking the chocolate bar from his hands. "I've been looking for this but they stopped selling it at local stores."

Kate sat down on the couch while still holding the delicate chocolate bar in his finger tips. Slowly she took off the outer brown and gold paper then unwrapped the silver paper that covered the chocolate.

Godiva chocolate.

It really is the best chocolate ever made in the world. It's sweet and thick and slowly it melts in your mouth leaving a thick coating of fudge all around your mouth. It's to die for.

"I got it from the corner store," Castle said trying to hide his smile.

"Did you really? Don't forget that's where I go," Kate said her eyes never leaving the chocolate in her hands.

"Yeah."

"You're a bad liar. And I'm not even looking at you."

Castle smiled at his pathetic attempt to lie. "I couldn't find it either. So I drove to Maryland this morning. I thought it could help make up for leaving you the other day."

"You didn't have to," she looked up at him as he sat down next to her on the couch. She bumped his elbow as she said, "but I'm glad you did."

"I got those Hersey kisses too. I know you like those."

"Thanks but you know I'm not that big on chocolate."

"Now who's the bad liar."

Kate chuckled as she took her first bite of the divine chocolate. She used her eyes as the cold hard piece, slowly warmed and softened. Not melting to a soup-like substance but melting to a thick syrup-like pool of chocolate.

God, she's never tasted something so heavenly before.

Castle watched as Kate savored each bite of chocolate she took. He could see every swirl she did with her tongue, every pool of chocolate she swallowed.

As sexy as she is right now he doesn't get it. What is it that she's tasting? Chocolate is good he likes it and he knows Godiva is one of the best out there but still. What is she tasting?

"Can I have a kiss?" He asked so suddenly that she began choking on the chocolate currently going down her throat.

Was he serious? They're friends and she's married? And it's not helping that he's staring at her with such adoration that she just can't help herself.

"Yes." Should it be this easy to give in? Something is very wrong here. What the hell is she doing?!

Castle tears his eyes away from her and reaches in the bag to pulled out a Hersey kiss.

When she finally understands what he meant she couldn't help but feel a little foolish...and disappointed. Why? She doesn't know nor does she think she wants to know.

It's then that it dawns on her what she said.

"No!" She shouts at him while smacking his hand to make him drop the chocolate.

"Ow! You just said yes!"

"I changed my mind."

"Evil."

"I don't share my chocolate especially my chocolate kisses."

"I noticed!"

Kate laughed and sat back on the couch, pulling the brown bag of chocolate onto her lap. She grabbed the remote off the arm rest and played the movie.

_**A shout out goes to anyone who can tell me how many times the word chocolate is said**__._


	11. Chapter 11

**Correct chocolate guessers!**

**Thank you!**

**03truth21**

**Caskettfreak101**

**Lady Yuraa-pptusachan **

**you guys rock!**

* * *

He can't believe it. He's having the ride of his life. In all the years he's been writing, in all the books he's written, he's never felt like this before, he's never had the words flow so freely. It's like he isn't even thinking about it, his fingers know the words he's trying say, his fingers know the emotions he wants to reveal. And it's breathtaking.

It's well past noon and he hasn't stopped writing since seven this morning when he woke up. Why is he up at seven in the morning? He had a dream but he won't reveal what is was about, he doesn't even want to admit that it happened. Not that he'd have a problem with it coming true but lets just say: off limits.

It's rare when you see Rick Castle writing away when his deadline is still weeks out but he wasn't about to fight the wave of inspiration that stuck him. He welcomes it with open arms and he's holding onto it, tightly.

"Richard," a woman calls out to him. He's not sure who it is, nor does he think that he cares. If its his girlfriend he'll dive out the window with his laptop and run down the street to get away. If its his mother he'll just give her his disappointed look for getting back together with Tom after he caused her to have a heart attack. He was never worried about his mothers health until now because of that dipshit boyfriend. If its his publisher then he died. Point blank.

"Richard! Where are you?" He recognized the voice now. Meredith.

But he kept writing, never breaking his stride, his rhythm. He can't dare to stop now not when he's eleven chapters in.

"Kitten you could've answered me," she said walking into his office.

"Yeah," Castle replied with a noncommittal shrug.

"Gina called. There's a charity gala next week and she wants you to attend. It's a black and white event of course. It's supposed to be in honor of service men whoever they are."

If Castle wasn't so engrossed in his laptop he would've rolled his eyes at her stupidity.

"O-K?"

"I got it!" Castle yelled before returning to his writing.

"Cranky much?" Meredith said before walking out of the room.

Why the hell was he with her anyway?

Before Castle could lose himself in his writing again his cell rang. He was willing to let it go to voicemail but it was the name on the caller ID that made him answer.

"Hey Kate."

"Riiiick," she cried. "I don't know what to do."

"Whoa calm down. Tell me what's wrong."

Kate was crying so hard that Rick was having a hard time making out what she was saying. All he could hear was the pounding of his heart in his ears and Kate's sobs. A terrible combination on any pair of ears.

"Kate. Kate! Are you home?" She didn't respond. "Are you nodding?"

He managed a small laugh before the crying started again. "Yes."

"I'll be there as quick as I can," he promised before hanging up.

* * *

When Castle arrived at Kate's apartment he didn't wait for her to come to answer the door, he let himself in with her spare key that she keeps taped under her door.

Once he was inside he yelled her name until she made it known where she was. He found her laying on her bedroom floor staring up at the ceiling. Her sobs had calmed down to to a sniffle every few minutes. Castle sat down on the floor next to where Kate was laying.

Her eyes her blood shot red and extremely puffy. He could make out both wet and dry tear streaks on her cheeks. Her hair was fanned out around her head. Even at her worst she was still beautiful. Red eyes, messy hair, and all.

_He loves her. _

Shit! What!? He loves her?

Castle put this train of thought away for another time.

"What happened Katie?" He asked. When Kate's face went from emotionless to scrunched up he knew what was next. And before he could reach out to comfort her tears were streaming down her cheeks again. They were just flowing, one by one, never ending trails of salt water, down her cheeks and on to her shirt. "Babe what happened?"

Slowly she pointed to something black in the corner of the room. Castle picked it up to see what it was then quickly sat them back down.

"What about them?" She shrugged. "Where'd you find them huh?"

"Hamper," she mumbled. At least she was talking. "Inside the inside pocket of one of his suit jackets," she confessed breaking back down into sobs.

"And they're not yours." She shook her head no. "Oh Katie I'm so sorry."

Castle wrapped his arms around we to being her closer and she came willingly. Kate wrapped her arms around Rick's neck and buried her face in the crook of it. There she let it all go. She didn't have to hold back with him and she's never been more grateful to have him than in this moment.

"Shh Kate it's okay," he soothed. "You're gonna be okay."

"She's skinnier than me," she cried but it was muffled.

"What was that?"

She brought her face out to meet his eyes. "She's skinnier than me. She's a two. I'm a six."

"Kate that shouldn't matter."

"It does. Will is having SEX with a woman _skinnier_ than his wife!" Kate moved herself from our of Castle's arms to stand up.

What was this? Castle thought. Does she _not_ see how beautiful she is?

"He left her underwear in there on purpose so he could tell me he wants me to lose weight."

"Hey!" He yelled standing up also. "Don't think things like that. He cheated on you! It's not your fault!"

"It clearly is," she cried. "I'm not good enough for him anymore."

"Kate you have that backwards," Castle said looking directly into her eyes. "He's not good enough for you. Any man would be lucky-no-blessed to have you."

"Thanks but I think by now you're obligated to say things like that."

"I mean it." Castle brought Kate back in for a bone crushing hug. "You're going to get through this."

"How?" She whispered, tears still spilling from her eyes.

"You're strong. Talk to him. Work it out." He could feel her nod.

He wanted to tell her to leave him because Will didn't deserve this amazing woman. He wants her to leave her husband so he could have her and he'd treat her like she's supposed to.

"Come on. Lets get out of here."

"Where are we going?" She asked as Castle escorted her to the front door.

"My place."


	12. Chapter 12

**I'm so very sorry to have to tell you guys this but due to recent events I have to discontinue this story. I can tell you that something terrible happened but I don't want to get into detail. I'm so sorry again I had high hopes for this story. **

**i won't be able to write for quite some time but I hope I can earn you guys forgiveness. I've got amazing people who love this story and it breaks my heart to have to stop. **

**If you read any of my other three stories I'm sorry but I don't know if I'll be able to do those either. Maybe I'll get lucky and all this will go away but I don't wanna get my hopes up. **

**I'm so sorry again**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey I'm back! **

**First I wanna say thank you for everybody who wished me well and kept this story **  
**on alert. And I wanna say Thankyou for giving me time to fix what was going on **  
**with me. I so owe you guys. You're the best fans a writer could have and I feel **  
**honored that you waited for me. **

**Everything is okay now although something's are different. Again thank you all **  
**soooo much. I hope to have regular updates for you guys not only for this story **  
**but my others as well. **

**Thank you again for giving me the time to work through everything. :) I can't **  
**wait to get back into flow and back into fan fiction. I've missed writing and it **  
**feels good to start again. **

**I'll stop this before it gets to long. Thanks again!**

* * *

_Previously on: Out of the Grey_

_Kate Beckett is a mystery writer that can't seem to hit number one on the best _  
_seller list. She also believes that her husband is cheating on her and that her _  
_two twin children hate her. _

_One of the only things that seem to make her feel better are reading Richard _  
_Castle novels and eating chocolate. _

_Richard Castle is going through that time of his life where he's trying to find _  
_his meaning. He's in a nowhere relationship with an actress and he believes his _  
_mother is in an emotionally abusive relationship. _

_One day while getting coffee he literally bumps into Kate Beckett and he manages _  
_to get her talking. They become the best of friends in a few days. _

_One day Kate calls him upset be side she confirmed that her husband is in fact _  
_cheating on her. So Castle decides to take her to his place. _

* * *

It didn't register where Castle was taking her until their cab pulled up outside  
his building and they were getting out. She never thought in all her life that  
she would be friends with Richard Castle and that he would bring her home.

Will is cheating on her. This realization keeps dawning on her even though in  
the back of her mind she knew it. She saw all the signs but she chose to ignore  
them, even when they kept nagging at her.

She's not sure what to do exactly but she's hoping this catastrophe can be  
worked out. She's never not been with Will. They've been together for as long as  
she can remember and before either of them could end their relationship in high  
school she found out that she was pregnant. He was her first so she doesn't know  
how to handle being without him. Not that she's needy but she doesn't know  
whether she can handle something new or not.

Castle has one hand on her lower back as he unlocks the door to his apartment  
and steps inside. The first thing Kate notices is how big and spacious his  
apartment is. She honestly didn't think her place was small but compared to his  
it's really tiny. She doesn't mind she really doesn't need a big place but wow!

"You can sit your jacket over there if you want," he said bringing her out of  
her thoughts.

"Uh no thanks I'm kinda cold."

"Can I get you something?" He asked making his way into the kitchen. "Cup of  
coffee? Water?"

"Coffee would be great thank you."

"Want some chocolate? I know I must have some stored away somewhere."

"No thanks," she declined nonchalantly as if it was no big deal.

Castle looked at her in absolute disbelief. "Did you really just turn down  
chocolate? I'd never thought I'd see the day."

"Chocolate isn't very appealing to me right now," Kate said taking a seat on one  
the stools.

He wouldn't consider himself an expert but knowing women when things go wrong  
they usually turn to chocolate not away from it. Then it hit him, fast and hard,  
and the knowledge of knowing what she was doing made his heart hurt.

Castle closed his eyes and sighed before speaking. "Is this because she's a  
two?"

When she didn't respond he knew he was right. "So what're you gonna do? Not  
eat?"

"Can we just drop it!"

"No! You may not like it, and I could really care less, but I'm in this now and  
I wanna help you get through this. You shouldn't have to lose weight because  
you're husbands sleeping with someone skinnier. It's his loss and own  
stupidity!"

Kate felt something tug at her heart and she couldn't help but wonder if it was  
affection. Does she have feelings for him? She doesn't know and she feels it's  
dangerous to think about it while he's staring at her with a genuineness that  
couldn't be measured.

Before she could respond someone came downstairs. Kate didn't recognize the  
redhead seeing how she knows most information about the famous Richard Castle.

"Hello darling," Martha greeted. "Who's this?"

"This is Kate."

"Oh. The Kate I've been hearing marvelous things about?" She said stretching her  
hand out to greet Kate.

"Kate this is Martha Rodgers my mother."

"Nice to meet you," she smiled. She didn't know what it was but there was  
something about the woman Kate was drawn too. She also made a mental note to ask  
Castle why his mother was living with him. "Did you say Rodgers?"

"Yes. Richard changed his last name many years ago," Martha explained waiving  
her hand in a dramatic flair.

"So Richard Rodgers? How from Rodgers to Castle?"

"I wanted something unique but strong. Castle just did the trick for me."

"Richard Rodgers Richard Castle. Castle. I like it."

"Thank you," he smiled lovingly at her while handing her a cup of coffee.

"It smells like hazelnut."

"Oh sorry that's mine." He switched cups apologizing again. He knows how much  
she hates it. He learned that when they first met.

The entire time Martha was watching the chemistry between them. She couldn't  
believe her son had found someone real. She knew enough about what Kate to make  
this judgement. They have feelings for each other, that was obvious. But what  
she doesn't know is, is why her son is still with that awful girlfriend of his  
and why Kate is still with that wretched husband of hers. It may not be her  
place to speak it aloud but it doesn't stop her from being curious.

"Alright I have to go finish studying my lines."

"See you mother."

"She's nice," Kate said when Martha retreated back upstairs.

"You don't know her like I do."

"Well you're her child I wouldn't expect you to think she's nice. Not in the way  
I do."

"You barely know her," Castle scoffed.

"It's just something about her I guess."

"Mhmm."

Castle sat in the stool next to Kate and quietly sipped his coffee. They stayed  
in silence for a few minutes until Castle couldn't take it anymore.

"What're you gonna do about Will?"

She huffed out a breath before answering. "I don't know yet."

"What do you want to do?"

"I think I should fight for him. He's the only man I've ever been with. I can't  
imagine life without him you know?"

"I know what that's like yeah."

Kate stood up from her stool and wandered around. When she came to the door to  
his bedroom Castle arched and eyebrow.

"What? You can wander my house but I can't wander yours?"

"I didn't go into your bedroom."

"Maybe because its not on the first floor," she retorted.

Before Castle could respond she walked into his room. It was exactly what she  
was hoping it would be. Calm and simple yet inspiring with the soothing colors  
he's chosen. She quickly finds a set of double doors and wants to go inside buy  
she has no clue what it leads to.

"Hey mr. Castle," she called. "What're these double doors?"

"My office," he called.

She pushed the doors open and when she looked inside her breath caught in her  
throat. It was beautiful. She definitely wasn't expecting such vibrance and  
liveliness.

Their offices clearly differed. His was small yet spacious, clean and organized.  
Hers was tiny and dirty, used and disorganized. She probably couldn't function  
correctly if she had to write in here.

But the main thing that caught her attention was his floor to ceiling bookshelf.  
It was breathtaking.

They had multiple books and authors in common but what really grabbed her  
attention was the second shelf behind his desk that had his books on top and  
inside the case were several of her books.

"Hey you hungry?" Castle asked coming in. When he saw what she was looking at he  
blushed. "I see you've found out my secret."

"You read my books?"

"Yes I do. I love them you're an amazing writer Kate."

"Thank you. It means alot to hear you say that."

"You have to know how good you are?" She shrugged, indifferent towards her  
writing. "You're my favorite author Kate," he said sweetly.

"You're mine too."

"I knew it!" He yelled fisting his hand in the air in victory.

Kate just shook her head laughing at him.


	14. Chapter 14

Castle went out to get some take out from Kate's favorite Chinese place leaving  
her alone in his office.

She didn't know if she was allowed but she sat down at his desk and ran her  
fingers up and down the cherry oak wood. It was soft and clean and smooth on her  
fingers. Very different from her old beat up desk she's had since high school.  
The paint is chipped and on of the drawers is broken but it's a classic, handed  
down to her from her grandfather.

She's sitting at Richard Castle's desk! She knows that the hype should've died  
down by now but for some reason she still gets butterflies. The man that she  
knows is much different from the man that sits behind this desk. She wants to  
get to know this one just as much as she wants to get to know hers.

Accidentally her finger swipes the mouse pad and a document comes to the screen.  
She doesn't read it. As a fellow author she knows how intrusive that would be  
and she wouldn't want anyone doing that to her.

Before she can make herself do anything she triple saves his work then she opens  
a new document and begins to type. She's not exactly sure what but the words are  
flowing and she doesn't want to question them. It's the first time in a long  
time that she's writing freely without stopping and erasing and reassessing.  
She's not even thinking anything as her brain sends the signal to her fingers to  
type.

It's like she's writing with a blindfold over her brain and even though she  
should be worried she isn't. She actually is finding this quite invigorating.  
She's getting over her writers block and if this is the way to do it then so be  
it.

While writing Kate has lost her sense of time. All she knows is that she's  
managed to get twenty pages done since she started.

"Richard darling I-" Martha stopped mid sentence when she realized the sound of  
the keyboard keys clacking weren't from her son but from her sons lady friend.  
"Kate?"

Kate looked up in horror. She forgot Castle's mother was here! "Oh hi. I'm sorry  
I seen it sitting here and I just wanted to know what it felt like and I know  
I'm probably in trouble but I wasn't snooping its just been so long since I've  
written I don't normly do things like this and please please don't tell Rick he  
would hate me and I don't know what I'd do without him I promise never to do it  
again and-"

"Kate!" Martha yelled to stop the girl from rambling. "It's okay."

"Really?" She asked letting out a breath of relief.

"Yes. Richard told me how you needed to start writing again. I won't tell him  
you were writing on his laptop in his office because it will surely inflate his  
ego."

"Thank you so much Ms. Rodgers. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"No problem darling and call me Martha please. Ms. Rodgers makes me sound old."

Kate laughed lightly. "I can do that."

"So why are so worried about him finding out anyway? I doubt he would mind,"  
Martha asked making her way into the kitchen.

Kate followed her out leaving the laptop open with her story. "As an author I  
know how invasive it is to go through someone's writing. If he found out and  
didn't approve I wouldn't know what to do without him."

"Not use to people leaving you huh?"

"No. I don't know what I'd do if another person left me. Rick's the only person  
in my life right now that actually cares about me."

"Oh Kate that can't quite possibly be true," she said pouring two glasses of  
wine and bringing one to Kate.

"My husband is cheating on me, my kids hate me, and I haven't spoken to my dad  
in years."

"Oh my goodness. That's terrible no wonder Richard is so adamant about being  
your friend. Sounds like you need one," she claimed taking a sip of her wine.

"Yeah. He's been a great friend to me. Even when I didn't know him."

"So tell me about this husband. How do you know he's cheating?"

"I found his mistresses underwear tucked inside of one of his suit jackets."  
Kate continued after Martha's gasp. "Yeah. And she's skinnier than me."

"Oh that's terrible. What're you going to do?"

"I don't know," Kate said taking a sip. "I know I don't want to leave him."

"No that's not what I meant. I meant what're you going to do about Richard? And  
what do you mean you don't want to leave him? He cheated on you."

"He's the only man I've ever been with and he's the father of my kids. I can't  
just leave him. And what do you mean what am I going to do about rick? What does  
he have to do with anything?"

"Oh please Kate. I've seen the way you two look at each other. And the way you  
talk about each other. It's obvious you like him."

Kate blushed slightly. She wanted to deny it and tell her there was nothing more  
than friendship but she felt if she said it then she would be lying. "I think I  
do. He talks about me?" She asked trying to change the subject.

"Oh all the time. 'Kate said this Kate said that.' I personally think he may be  
falling for you."

Kate shifted her eyes down to focus on her glass. The truth is she may be  
falling for him too but she's married and she loves her husband. If its meant to  
be it will but at the same time it may be too late for them to ever be together.  
And plus she's happy with being just friends.

"Martha I- I still love my husband."

"And I'm not judging you because you have feelings for someone else darling.  
What I'm saying is make sure you know what you want. Because if you choose wrong  
it could blow up in your face."

"I'm not even one hundred percent sure that I have feelings for him," Kate said  
getting nervous.

"I'm not trying to scare you I'm just trying to help. You don't have to listen  
to me," Martha paused before continuing. "Listen to your heart."

Before Kate could respond someone walked in the house. Kate recognized her  
instantly. She's an actress that plays in her favorite movie but she just can't  
remember her name.

"Hello Martha," Meredith greeted unenthusiastically. "Where's Richard?"

When she shrugged Kate decided to make herself known. "He went to get some  
dinner for us."

"I'm sorry I didn't see you there. Who are you?"

Kate stood up to shake the woman's hand. "I'm Kate a friend of Rick."

"Meredith," she put donw her bag to shake her hand. "His girlfriend," she added  
for good measure.

"Nice to meet you."

"So how'd you two meet?"

"He hasn't told you about me?"

"No he hasn't." She paused then came a step closer. "What's to tell?"

"Nothing really. We met at a little diner. He spilled his coffee on me," Kate  
explained.

"And what you just got to talking?"

"Something like that. We just found out that we're each others favorite author."

"Oh that's interesting," Meredith said her voice increasing a pitch. "So are you  
staying for dinner?"

Kate looked at her exasperated. She just told her that Castle went out to get  
dinner. "I'd like too yes."

"It'd be better if you left because I need sometime with Richard."

"But if he wants me to stay that's exactly what I intend on doing," Kate said  
getting a little defensive.

"Meredith," Martha chimed in. "This is Richard's house not yours. You don't call  
the shots."

"Rick's not here so I'm telling you to leave!"

"What's going on?" A voice behind Meredith said. All three woman turned around  
to meet the eyes of Castle. "Are you kicking out my friend?"

"I'm simply telling her to go because I think she's over stayed her welcome."

"That is not your place Mere. Kate is staying."

Before she could respond Kate stood up from the couch and set down her wine  
glass. "Thank you Martha for listening to me you've been a big help." She walked  
past Meredith and straight to Castle. "Thanks for everything. I'll see you  
later."

"You don't have to leave."

"Yeah," Martha chimed in.

"I think it's best. I'll see you Rick."

"At least take something to eat," he said holding out a tray of her order. She  
just smiled at him. Then Castle gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll call you  
later," he whispered before she left.


	15. Chapter 15

When Kate walked out of Castle's loft is when Castle decided to really handle  
the situation. There's no way he's going to let Meredith get away with treating  
Kate the way she did. Kate is already in a very fragile emotional state the last  
she needs is to not feel wanted. Her husband already makes her feel that enough.

"Mere what gives you the right to kick out my guests in my house? Tell me please  
because I would love to know."

"Richard dear," Meredith said pouting. "I know I was wrong in kicking her out. I  
knew that from the start. But I felt threatened by her."

"How?" He's so confused right now that he forgets the massive amount of food in  
his arms.

"Because! I heard her talking to Martha. She was saying things about how she  
likes you and how you are falling for her. And I was upset that you mentioned  
this "Kate" to your mom and not your girlfriend. I was upset and jealous because  
she's really pretty."

Castle shook his head in disbelief. She's crazy if she thinks he's going to fall  
for the "I was jealous." How much of a fool does he take her for?

It's then that he sees tearing forming in her eyes and the genuine distress in  
her features. She's not lying. And although Castle's never seem Meredith cry  
before he's seen her fake cry and this is not it.

"Do you really have feelings for her Richard? Are you really falling for her?"

Castle put down the bags of food to rest his hands on both of her shoulders.  
Instinctively he told her no, he didn't have feelings for Kate. But just as he  
was saying it he knew it wasn't entirely true. From the moment he met Kate  
Beckett he was struck by something. Her beauty caught his eye but her pain  
caught his attention. He knows he feels something obviously but maybe what he  
feels isn't romantic?

"No I'm not falling for her."

"Then you need to set the record straight! You need to tell her you don't like  
her!"

"Okay okay calm down Mere. I'll call her later alright. She probably needs a few  
minutes to herself."

Meredith sniffed and shook her head. "Thank you."

Castle gave her a kiss on her temple and hugged her close. He forgot she was  
capable of such emotions.

"You know there's this charity gala coming up next week and Gina wants me to go.  
Come with me?"

He felt her shake her head. "Sure."

* * *

When Kate arrived home she put her food in the oven and headed straight for her  
bathroom. After the day she's having she could really use a nice soak with a  
book maybe. But the only books she reads in the tub are Richard Castle books and  
reading him might not be best for her right now.

Even though he did stick up for her when it comes to his girlfriend she'll  
always come second. Not that it's a bad thing but Kate can't help but be a  
little sad over it. She and Rick have been getting closer and he makes her feel  
so much better than she did before they met. They've become each others best  
friend in such a short matter of time so yes it sucks to always get the short  
end of the stick when it comes to his girlfriend.

Kate pinned up her hair and slid into the steaming hot bathtub water. She didn't  
bring a book instead she thought she'd just relax and let her thoughts carry her  
wherever they want.

The first thing she thinks about is Will. How they met and once they got  
together how they were inseparable. She misses those days. When they were young  
and the thought of being cheated on never crossed neither of their minds. Before  
kids complicated their relationship but were still strong enough to make it  
through.

She misses the Will that use to come home early just so they could make love  
while the children were still at school. She misses the Will that use to help  
her write her books whenever she was stumped. She misses the Will that use to  
say "I love you" because he wanted to not because she initiated it and he had to  
say it. She misses the Will that spent the whole day trying to cheer her up if  
she was sad.

She misses the Will that came home on time for dinner and who actually cared how  
her day was. She misses the Will that thought she looked beautiful no matter her  
weight or clothes. She misses her husband!

Kate covered her face with her hands and sobbed loudly into them. Why can't  
things go back to the way they were? She doesn't know what to do anymore and the  
one person that could help her is gone. Her mother is dead and that pain still  
eats at her. She can't call her mother and ask her how to do certain things for  
the kids. She can't call her mother and tell her how heart broken she is over  
Will. She can't listen to her mothers words of wisdom to get over this obstacle  
in her life.

Then there's Rick. She feels other things for him not just friendship. Maybe it  
has to do with how he's always there for her and how close they are.

"Mom!" She heard someone yell through the door. "Mom are you okay?" Asked Anna.

"Anna! You can come in."

Anna opened the door but had her eyes covered. "I thought I heard you crying."

"I'm covered you don't have to shield your eyes."

"You were crying," she realized when she saw the tear stains on her mothers  
face. "What's wrong?"

"Um. I just got some bad news today that's all." She doesn't want to lie but she  
doesn't want to tell the truth either. Her daughter doesn't need to know.

"What is it?" She walked over to the tub and sat down on the floor then propped  
her head up on the rim. The massive amount of cherry scented bubbles covered  
Kate's naked body.

"I don't know if I should tell you Anna."

"Why not?"

"It's not for you to hear. But I can tell you that someone close to me betrayed  
my trust."

"Mom I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

Kate smiled at the thoughtfulness of her daughter. This is the longest  
conversation they've had in a few months. "Have dinner with me?"

"Yeah okay. Martin is out with John though."

"Who's John?" She asked sniffling.

"His new "BFF." The guys nuts mom."

"He goes through best friends so quickly," Kate giggled.

"It's sad! John is so weird. He puts his buggies in paper balls and flings them  
at girls in class. And he swears me down that nothing is wrong with him!"

"He sounds like your uncle Felix."

"At least uncle Felix is smart. John doesn't have a brain."

"Oh I'm sure he does." Anna seems to be taking her mind off the men in her life.  
She finds this to be a good thing.

"Wait until you meet him."

"Unless Martin decides to get a new best friend before I get the chance."

Both girls started laughing. When it died down Kate rested her hand on top of  
Anna's. "There's some Chinese in the oven. Why don't you go heat it up and I'll  
be out there in a minute."

"Okay."

* * *

"Is he cute?" Kate asked taking a scoop of ice cream. They finished their dinner  
and decided to have dessert together...at seven. Normally dessert would be later  
but Kate's taking what she can get.

"Yes mom. He's to die for."

"What's he like?"

"Well he's very smart. He makes principals honor roll every year. He also plays  
both football and soccer. And he's just so dreamy mommy. Like when you're  
talking to him everything else gets tuned out and you focus only on him."

"Does he have that affect with everyone?"

"Nope," she smiled. "Just me."

"Do you talk to him?"

"Yes you know small talk. But only real talk when we have to. Or when the  
opportunity is given."

"What do you mean?" Kate asked, a mouthful of strawberry ice cream.

"Kinda like when we're assigned an assignment together in school. That's the  
only time we actually talk."

"Well clearly you like him. Ask him out."

"I can't. He has a girlfriend."

"Oh," she paused to bring her in for a hug. "I'm sorry Banana."

"It's okay. I can admire him from afar." They sat in silence for a moment before  
Anna spoke again. "You haven't called me Banana in years."

"I know. I should get use to saying it again."

"Dad still says it."

Kate had to swallow her tongue quickly. She was going to say something not nice  
about Anna's father. "Really?"

"Yeah. Just today I asked him for ten bucks so I could get some rocky road and  
he said he'd pick it up on the way home. I said thanks then he asked me if I was  
sure I didn't want banana ice cream."

"Wow. Your father always was a little cheesy. What the heck is banana ice cream  
anyway?"

"I have no clue. But he better had gotten my rocky road."

Kate cleared her throat to try not to sound suspicious. "Your fathers coming  
home?"

"Yeah why?"

"No reason."

Anna looked at her mom suspiciously and was going to ask her what she was hiding  
but her phone began to ring instead. "Oh I gotta get this."

"Yeah yeah go. I'll clean this up."

After Kate cleaned up the kitchen she headed into her office. When she saw her  
open laptop she instantly remembered the story she was writing on Castle's  
laptop. She hit her forehead with the palm of her hand. She forgot to send it to  
herself and delete it! Now he's going to know!


	16. Chapter 16

After Kate cleaned up the kitchen she headed into her office. When she saw her  
open laptop she instantly remembered the story she was writing on Castle's  
laptop. She hit her forehead with the palm of her hand. She forgot to send it to  
herself and delete it! Now he's going to know!

Just as if he could read her mind her cell phone started to ring and his name  
popped up on the caller ID. She took a deep breath before going to answer it.

"Hey," she said cautiously.

"Hey Kate. I wanted to apologize for earlier. Meredith had no right to do that."

"It's okay Rick no harm done."

"I really wanted you to stay." She could hear the pout in his voice.

"I needed to come home to have some time to myself. I needed to think," she  
explained sitting down at her desk.

"About Will?"

"Yeah but I don't wanna talk about him. Guess what?"

"What?" He could hear her excitement.

"Anna and I had dinner together tonight."

"Oh my god really? That's great. How'd it go?"

"It went well. We actually talked."

"About?"

"About my sons new best friend and boys essentially."

Castle sat down at his desk and leaned foreword with his head resting in his  
palm. "What about boys? Is she dating?"

"No but there's a guy she likes. I told her to ask him out but he has a  
boyfriend."

"Is that stopping her? Guys go through girlfriends quicker than their underwear  
in high school. It's not serious i can tell you that much. I wouldn't let that  
stop her from going after what she wants."

"So you want him to cheat on his girlfriend?"

"Do we know how he feels about her?"

"No not exactly."

"Then lets go with the assumption that he likes her. If she asks him out first  
then there's less of a chance that he'll take advantage of her."

"I'll pass it along," she said. "She's a Sorenson so she'll have the guts to do  
it."

"Great I'm glad I could help." She didn't respond but just made a humming sound  
from the back of her throat. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Yeah of course."

"A little while ago I found this story on my laptop." He paused when he heard  
her sharp intake of air. "I don't remember writing it but I did read it."

"You did?"

"Yeah. I love it Kate it's some of your best work."

"What makes you think I did it?"

"I know a Kate Beckett story when I read it."

"Oh," she said smiling and playing with the ends of her hair. "I guess that's a  
good thing huh?"

"Yeah yeah it is," he said his voice getting lower.

"Well would you mind sending it to me? This is the first thing I've written in a  
while. I'd like to continue."

"Of course."

"Thanks," she said. Kate heard the front door close and Anna come downstairs.  
"Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"Will just got home."

"Oh. Are you gonna talk to him?"

"Something like that," she mumbled before speaking more clearly. "Okay I'll call  
you back Rick. Thanks for everything."

When Kate finally made her way out she saw Will in their bedroom and Anna in the  
kitchen.

"I take it you got your rocky road."

"I did."

"Good. What're doing tonight?"

She shrugged. "Thought I'd just watch some movies. And maybe eat my ice cream  
upstairs?" She said pouting.

"Didn't we just have ice cream?"

"Yeah but mom you gave me a taste tester amount. I need more."

Kate laughed before responding. "Okay eat it upstairs but don't forget to brush  
your teeth."

"Yeah yeah I know," she said making her way up the stairs to her room.

The last thing Kate needs right now is her daughter coming down and interrupting  
what she hopes will happen tonight. While Will takes a shower Kate sneaks into  
the bedroom and puts on one of her sexiest outfits.

Then she puts on some makeup, lotion, perfume, and fluffs her hair. She popped  
in a mint and waited for Will to come out.

When he came out twenty minutes later dressed in his pajamas her heart  
fluttered. They haven't gone to bed together in a while. What's making him  
change his mind now?

"Hey," she said seductively.

"Hey. What the hell are you wearing?"

"Don't you like it?"

"Not if that's what you plan on wearing to bed."

Kate walked over to Will and placed her hands on his chest. She then said lowly,  
"Well you could always take then off me."

"Kate what're you doing?"

"Nothing," she said while she played with the hair on the nape of his neck. Then  
she leaned in to kiss him but he pushed her away.

"I think you should stop Kate."

"Why? We haven't been together in a while."

"I know but I'm tired. I just wanna sleep."

"It's only eight."

"Relax then."

"I can help you relax."

"Kate! No okay?" Kate slowly backed away from him. She could feel the tears  
begin to sting he eyes. "Don't cry Kate. It's not you."

"Right."

"Hey don't you have a session tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"How about I pick you up? What time?"

"Noon."

"I'll be there."

Kate just grabbed her robe and walked out of the room. Is it wrong that she  
doesn't believe him?

Why would she do this? He doesn't want her and maybe it's because she's too fat  
or because he's being faithful to his fucking mistress!

Kate practically ran out of the bedroom to have some time to herself. But when  
she did she ran into some unexpected guests.

"Mom!" Shouted Martin.

"Dude!" Shouted another boy who she presumed was the notorious John. It was then  
that she realized why Martin looked disgusted and John was drooling. She never  
buttoned up her robe so they could see her barely-there outfit.

"Who is this?" She asked Martin covering herself.

"John. He wanted to come over."

"Why didn't you ask first? I'm sorry John but tonight is not a good night."

She took John's arm and led him to the front door. When she opened it Rick was  
standing there with his fist up high as if he were about to knock.

"Rick!"

"Uh hey," he said his eyes immediately drawn to her semi-exposed body. "What're  
you wearing?"

"Why are you here?" She handed John a twenty for a cab then focused on the man  
in front of her.

"You left your jacket at my place."

"Mom who's that?" Asked Martin.

"Just a friend sweetie. He's a writer. Why don't you go upstairs and I'll be  
there in a minute."

"Thanks Rick I'll see you later." When she went to shut the door after grabbing  
her jacket he stopped her from closing it.

"What's going on Kate? Why are you dressed like this?" Kate diverted her eyes  
but didn't attempt to say anything. "Oh Kate tell me you didn't," he whispered.  
"Tell me you didn't sleep with him."

"Richard. I need you to be a guy right now and not my friend okay?" He could  
hear the tears coming up from the way that she's speaking. But he shook his head  
yes. "If I came on to you right now would you let me?"

"You're asking me if I would have sex with you?"

"Yes."

He took half a second to think. "Yes."

"Looking like this?"

"No." When he saw the hurt on her face he quickly had to explain. "I don't mean  
it in a bad way. I wouldn't have sex with you dressed like this because I think  
you're prettier without all the make up. But I will admit that you do have a  
beautiful body."

Kate forced herself into his arms. At least someone would do her. "I take it he  
pushed you away." That's when Kate started to sob in his arms. "You deserve so  
much better Kate. But you know what? I'm glad you guys didn't do it."

She instantly retracted. "Why so you could fuck me yourself?" She seethed.

"Stop. I know what you're doing and it's not going to work. I'm glad you didn't  
because he's cheating on you. He doesn't deserve to get to touch you. And plus  
who knows if that woman gave him anything? I would hate that to get passed on to  
you."

"I'm sorry. I just- I'm so..."

"I know. Come here." He pulled her back against his chest. "You're gonna be  
alright. Go talk to your kids and call me in the morning."

"Thank you Rick."

Kate lifted her head from his chest to look him in the eyes. She doesn't deserve  
him. He's too good a friend to her and she doesn't do anything for him in  
return.

He held her gaze because he couldn't dare to break away. The woman standing in  
front of him is going through the worst things a person could but she doesn't  
see how strong she is. She's been getting up in the mornings and battling these  
hardships and the fact that she can admit that she needs help only makes her  
stronger. The woman standing in front of him is beautiful and he's falling in  
love with her.

"I should go," he said breaking the silence. "Talk to your son. He probably  
wants to know why you're talking to a stranger half dressed."

He managed to get a giggle. "Goodnight Rick."

"Night," he said before kissing her cheek and walking away.


	17. Chapter 17

Kate didn't sleep in her bedroom last night. She couldn't while Will was in  
there. So when she walked in she was surprised to see him still there. He  
usually leaves first thing in the morning for work but she guessed that maybe  
something happened.

Kate got dressed and brushed her teeth then was back in the kitchen in time to  
see Anna and Martin off to school. They both would be home late because Anna had  
practice and Martin was hanging out at Johns place to meet his mother.

Kate had breakfast by herself and tried to get some writing done based off what  
she started writing on Castle's computer. She managed to crack another ten pages  
before her phone rang interrupting her. She answered without looking.

"Hello."

"Why do you sound so bright and cheery? It's like seven in the morning."

Kate smiled at the familiar voice. Then checked her watch. "It's ten thirty  
Rick. Plus getting up early is good for your body."

"Or you didn't get to sleep last night at all," he said voice suddenly becoming  
serious.

Kate sighed. "No not really," she hesitantly admitted. "Too much on my mind."

"Care to share."

"I feel bad for still loving my husband."

"Why? You shouldn't Kate. He's the father of your kids it's understandable why  
you still love him. You're not gonna just be able to stop."

She wanted to tell him what else was on her mind but knew that she couldn't. She  
couldn't tell him that she thinks she's falling for someone else. That someone  
just happens to be her best friend.

"I know. But still it gets tiring. Hey I gotta call from my agent about this  
charity thing."

"Me too."

"So you're going?"

"Yeah. Don't want to but promoting comes with the job description."

Kate chuckled. "Tell me about it."

"So listen. You wanna grab lunch today?"

"Um do you mind if its late? I have something today."

"Not at all. I actually have stuff to do to. Gina's trying to organize another  
tour after I just finished one. I can do a couple of signings for the fans but I  
don't wanna leave again."

"Talk to her."

"There is no talking to Gina there's only do what Gina says."

Kate laughed at him. "Sucks for you."

"Yeah yeah yeah. Talk to you in a bit."

"M'kay bye."

Kate went back to writing after talking with Rick. She still has time before her  
appointment with Dr. Parish so she wants to spend it wisely. She needs a first  
draft to send to her publisher before the month is up.

She really wishes that she could concentrate though because she really needs to  
get this done but she can't. Her mind keeps wandering off to Rick. She remembers  
the way she felt after she first talked to him at Remy's. He was so gentle and  
caring towards her but at the same time very truthful. And when he held her he  
filled her with so much warmth that she never wanted to leave.

That's why when she went a week without contacting him her body ached for him.  
She needed him to hold her again and now he does, all the time.

She likes him, she knows that she likes him but she also knows that they could  
never escalate into anything other than friends. He's in a committed  
relationship and she's married. They could never happen. But that doesn't stop  
her mind from wondering what it would be like to be with him. She wonders how he  
would feel, how he would make her feel. What it would be like for him to squeeze  
her with his hands. Those big soft, slightly calloused hands.

She needs to stop. She's going to set herself up for heartbreak this way. And  
she knows that she wouldn't be able to take another one.

"Hey Katie it's time to go," Will yelled from the bedroom.

Kate stood up and went into her bedroom. Will was there getting his keys.  
"What're you doing?"

"I'd thought I take you and pick you up you know? It's my fault you go to these  
things so it's only fair."

Kate couldn't help it she smiled. "Okay let's go." At least now she didn't need  
money for a cab.

In the car Will was making excellent conversation. He never let it stay quiet  
for too long and when it was it wasn't awkward. Kate took this as the perfect  
opportunity to ask him about the gala.

"Hey Will."

"Yeah," he said pulling up at the building.

"There's this big charity thing coming up next week and I was wondering if you'd  
come with me."

"Of course. I'd have to clear my schedule but I'm sure I'd be able to make it."

"Great. That's great."

"So what time do you want me to pick you up?"

"One thirty."

"One thirty," he said programming it into his phone. "Got it. Have a nice time."

Kate smiled and got out of the car but he stopped her before she stepped out.  
When she turned around to face him he kissed her lightly on the lips. Again she  
smiled at him then got out of the car.

* * *

"Hello Kate. How're you feeling?" Asked Dr. Parish. She was wearing a black  
pants suit today. It made her look extra professional.

"Good thanks to Rick mainly. He keeps me laughing. He's a really good friend."

"That's great. Try and make some more. But Kate I meant... how're your feeling when  
everyone is gone."

Kate sighed quietly. She doesn't like to talk about this. "I thought I was  
getting better but then yesterday I found that Will is cheating; brought me down  
some."

"Oh my gosh. How did you find out?"

"He left her underwear in his suit jacket. I found it when I was gonna do  
laundry."

"Have you talked to him about it? Does he know that you know?" She asked jotting  
down something in her notebook.

"No and no. I just found out but Rick's been a great help."

"Really? How so?"

"Last night I tried to sleep with Will and he pushed me away. Rick told me that  
he was happy we didn't do anything because he could've contracted something."

"He's right. Why did you throw yourself at him?"

Kate sighed. She knew where this was going. "I don't know. I guess I thought  
that if we could rekindle our sexual relationship that he wouldn't need to get  
it elsewhere."

"Most women who have cheating husbands feel that way. But you're wrong. If he  
did get it from you then he will still go back and get it from her too."

"I know that now. I think he feels stupid for not having sex with me last  
night."

"Why do you say that?" Dr. Parish asked looking down at her notes.

"He drove me here today. And he said he's gonna pick me up."

"Is this the first time?"

"Yeah. We haven't had any physical contact in the last few months but all of a  
sudden today he kisses me."

"What do you make of that? He may just miss you."

"No I think he wants me and his whore both screwing him."

"That's a possibility. What're you gonna do about him Kate? You can't keep  
yourself in this predicament anymore."

"After last night I don't think I want anything to do with him," Kate said while  
laying back on the couch. "Anna and Martin are grown up now and will be leaving  
for college in the fall. Martin a semester late but still. I think they can  
handle a little divorce."

"How are Anna and Martin?"

"They're good. Anna should be getting her college acceptances soon. Martin has a  
new best friend."

"So any progress on your relationship with them?" Dr. Parish crossed her legs  
and folded her hands on her notebook.

"Anna and I had dinner last night. We talked girl talk, had ice cream, and she  
told me about this boy she likes. It was nice I think we had a nice time."

"Good! This is good. You're definitely making progress."

"Hopefully yeah. I don't think Martin trusts me though."

"Why do you say that?" She asked tilting her head to the side.

"Last night when I was trying to seduce my husband I was dressed in something  
inappropriate." Dr. Parish nodded her understanding. "I was in the living room  
when Martin and his new Bestie came in. Saw me and while we were all freaking  
out Rick stopped by. I sent his friend home and Martin upstairs while I dealt  
with Rick."

"So where's the problem?"

"I went to go talk to him to explain why I was dressed like a slut and talking  
to a man he didn't know. He just gave me noncommittal answers and shrugged alot.  
I think he thinks I'm cheating."

"Well that's cause to sit down and talk it out. He's a smart boy I know he'll  
understand."

"Yeah hopefully. I don't seem to be making any progress with him."

"You will just give it time. I'm not saying have this long conversation but  
maybe just small reassuring talks. Then maybe one day he'll come to you."

"That's great. I'll try."

"Alright Kate we've talked about your husband and your kids and we've even  
talked a little about Rick. But I wanna talk about you. Are you still depressed?  
Do you still feel hopeless?"

Kate sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Yes and no. I have my days where all  
I wanna do is lounge in bed. But then I have those days where I find myself  
laughing."

"That's completely normal. Everybody gets like that what's important is how you  
handle it."

"So you don't think anything is wrong with me?"

Dr. Parish could hear her choking up. "No Kate. Mentally I do not think anything  
is wrong with you. You've just been through a lot of high water in your life and  
you don't know how to deal with it." She calmed herself a little, needing to  
speak clearly. "I see since you met Rick you've been better."

"It's nice to have someone to talk to."

"That's the medicine you need. You don't need pills you need friends. Good  
people to surround yourself with. Warm hearts that will love you and always be  
there for you. That's what Rick was but Kate it's clear you have feelings for  
him which corrupts your friendship."

"How am I supposed to just make friends?" She asked tears streaming down her  
face.

"You gotta open up, trust people. If you don't open up to them they won't open  
up to you. And then they won't see you as someone important."

"You think I should tell Anna and Martin?"

"That's up to you Kate," she said closing her book. "You're welcome to come back  
but I don't think you need more therapy. Here's my card if you ever need to  
talk."

She took the card and looked down at it after wiping her eyes.

Lanie Parish. Lanie. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me until you're feeling better."

Right as Kate was walking out the door she turned around and spoke again. "Lanie  
is really pretty."

"I like to think so."


	18. Chapter 18

She hates her no good rotten sonofabitch husband! He better not come anywhere  
near her or he is seriously in for a beating. He forgot her! He forgot to come  
back and pick her up from therapy. She's been waiting here over an hour!

When Kate finally decided just to take a cab she realized she couldn't because  
she left her purse in Will's car! Along with her keys and cell phone! Will won't  
be home for several hours and neither will Anna and Martin so going home is out  
of the question.

The only place she can think of going is Rick's but he said he had things to do  
so he wouldn't want to be disturbed. But where else is she going to go?

Kate went to cross the street but she wasn't looking down so she ended up  
stepping right into a mud puddle. "Oh come on," she whispered to herself. Now  
that's she's looking down at her shoes she didn't see the cab coming right for  
her. It wasn't until she literally had only a second to move that she did. She  
thought it was going to stop or at least slow down when it reached her but no it  
kept going. The cab drove through the mud puddle splashing her as it did.

She's having a really bad day.

* * *

She knows he said he had things to do but she has nowhere else she could go.  
Maybe if she's lucky Martha will answer the door and Castle will never have to  
see her like this.

"Hey-whoa! What happened to you?" Rick asked opening his front door.

"Ugh!" Life's not that fair. "I'm not having a great day. And I'm freezing."

"Yeah yeah come in."

"I'm sorry to just barge in like this. It's just I left my purse in Will's car  
so I couldn't get into my apartment or catch a cab."

"You're not barging in. You're welcome here anytime. Lets get you cleaned up  
then we can talk. You can use my shower if you want." He led her into his  
bedroom to get to his bathroom. Before she disappeared inside though he snapped  
a picture of her covered in mud. Sadly for him his flash was on.

"Really?" She said arching an eyebrow.

"What?" He asked feigning innocence.

Kate just shook her head and walked inside the bathroom. She heard him say  
through the door that he was going to put her clothes in the wash.

Fifteen minutes later when she emerged fresh from the shower she saw that Castle  
had put some clothes on his bed for her. A pair of sweatpants and a green  
lantern shirt.

As she was putting them on she couldn't help but smell them. She knew this smell  
anywhere. It was him and a mixture of his soap. He's a fool if he thinks he's  
getting this shirt back.

Kate put her wet hair up in a messy braid just to have it out the way before  
leaving out the room. "Thank you again Rick for your help."

Before Castle responded he took a long look at her. She's so cute dressed in his  
clothes. And he can't help but wonder what she looks like underneath them.

"What are friends for?" He smiled brightly. "You want some lunch? I know you  
must be starving?" He said as he worked his way into the kitchen.

"Yeah actually. I did promise you lunch didn't I?"

"Are you warm enough? Do you want some coffee?"

"That sounds nice actually. Thank you." Kate made a mental note to have him over  
for dinner. He's always doing things for her and she thinks it's about time she  
does something for him. And now she's thinking something sexual: being in his  
clothes doesn't help.

She watches him as he moves about the kitchen. With ease and a sexiness most men  
will never have based on experience. She should've known he'd be able to cook.  
Will can't cook and therefore doesn't have the sexiness Rick has. He knows what  
he's doing through every step and he moves with such ease like he's a god or  
something. He handles the food with a delicacy that has her thinking about how  
he would handle her in bed. Would he be that delicate? Or would it be rough and  
hard?

She's staring openly at him and she doesn't care. She could never peel her eyes  
away.

"See something you like Miss Beckett?" He asked interrupting her thoughts or  
better yet adding onto them.

"Most definitely," she agreed using the same seductive tone he used.

"Take what you want."

Without breaking eye contact she leaned over the counter and acted like she was  
reaching for him but quickly grabbed a chopped strawberry from the salad bowl.

"Tease," he said shaking his head. She didn't respond but just made a humming  
noise loud enough so he could hear and smiled.

They went back to silence after a moment and stayed silent while they ate.  
Castle fixed turkey sandwiches and fruit salad for lunch. It wasn't until they  
were finished that they spoke again.

"Thanks again for everything."

"Stop thanking me. Friends help friends."

"But still I really appreciate this."

He smiled and sat down on his couch then patted the seat next to him. Kate  
chuckled and plopped down next to him. He put his arm around her and tugged her  
close. "How're you feeling?"

"Better now. How about you?"

"Life can be really cruel sometimes."

"Don't I know it. Did something happen?" She asked lifting her head from his  
shoulder to look him in the eyes.

"No not really. It's just the way things just work out you know?"

She nudged him in the side. "Tell me."

"My books aren't selling as well this year. And I can't help but wonder why. Is  
it because my writing is bad or because I'm getting older?"

"What does your age have to do with it?"

"It's no secret that my books are popular because of this playboy image Gina  
threw at me. Now that I'm getting older nobody cares."

"I don't consider thirty eight old."

"I'm turning thirty nine next week. And you know how old I am?"

"I'm your best friend it's my job to know."

"Oh wait. You are Richard Castle's number one fan aren't you?"

She scoffed but still smiled. "I could say the same thing about you!"

"I'm not afraid to admit it!"

"Oh whatever." She moved away from him on the couch and folded her arms. He  
could see the grin on her face even though she's trying to be serious. He  
laughed inwardly.

"You're gonna stay over there?" She shrugged. "Come back over." She looked away  
from him. "I miss you." She gave him her, "I'm not buying it," look. He would  
have to try harder.

"Katie come back over pleeease," he begged in a kid voice. Kate tried to bite  
back her smile but it ended up shining through some anyway. She stood up from  
the couch and walked to stand in front of him. "Well...are you going to sit?"

When she didn't speak or make a move Castle took her by the waist and pulled  
her down into him. Before she even got the chance to scream or be surprised  
their lips met. They kept them there for a few seconds before reality set in on  
Kate and she quickly moved away.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it-no- I didn't do it on purpose. You pulled me  
down and I couldn't control how I fell. I should go. Yeah I should go. Leaving  
would probably be best," she rambled. As she was speaking she was backing away  
from him slowly until she reached the front door. Castle of course followed her  
with every step she took.

"You don't have to go," he said standing directly in front of her while her back  
was on the door.

"Are-are you sure?" He's standing way too close for her liking.

"Kate it was just a kiss. It's not like we made a baby."

Now he's got her thinking about sex again.

She nodded and slowly moved to get some space between them. He followed her of  
course and now he had her up against the wall next to the door.

Her heart was beating so loudly in her chest she swears he can hear it. But it's  
when she sees him lean in that her breath catches and her hands start trembling.  
He's going to kiss her again and she doesn't know what this feeling is. She  
can't decide whether it's anticipation or fear but she does know one thing, she  
wants it.

As he leans in he rests his forehead on hers and brings their lips close but  
doesn't let them touch. He draws it out and makes her wait, gives her the chance  
to push him away if she doesn't want this. But she isn't and it's making him  
excited. He's wanted this from day one. Ever since she looked up at him with  
those gorgeous green-hazel eyes he was hooked. And now he gets to finally have  
her.

Slowly but surely he drew his lips to hers. She didn't break away or fight him  
off but simply kissed him back with as much power as he is her. But just as  
quickly as it came its gone and undone by a loud Martha walking into the loft.

"Oh my don't mind me," she said walking up the stairs with a smile on her face.  
"Carry on."

"I think I should go," she said once Martha was gone.

"You don't have to."

"Yeah I think I should. We shouldn't have done that Castle."

She never called him that before but he decided not to make a big deal out of  
it. "It won't happen again not if you don't want it to. But you really don't  
have to leave."

Kate thought about it for a second. If she did leave where else would she go?  
Anna and Martin wouldn't be back for another couple of hours.

"Okay."

He smiled brightly. "Great."

When Kate went to go sit back down Castle snapped another picture of her with  
his phone. She saw it of course and turned to glare at him but couldn't bring  
herself to do it. Instead she smiled and he snapped another one then another and  
another.

"Come here." Castle put his arm around her neck and snapped a picture of both  
of them. "If a pictures worth a thousand words this one says-"

"Happy," she interrupted smiling up at him.


	19. Chapter 19

**My fingers aren't letting me write what happens at the gala. Maybe next chapter!**

Kate's been trying not to think about Rick. When they kissed a few days ago, she tried to act as if it didn't faze her as much as it did. She knows Will is nothing but a cheater but just because he cheated, doesn't give her the right to kiss another man. Even if that man is her best friend and she's been secretly crushing on him for a while.

Bottom line is Dr. Parish was right; her friendship with Rick has been corrupted because feelings came into play. She meant her vows and as sad, as it sounds she will stick by them until they've both signed the papers.

Will has apologized countless times for forgetting her at her appointment. He says his boos held him up in a meeting until one and then traffic was terrible coming up from downtown. She doesn't know whether to believe him or not, but what else can she do right now?

Despite all the drama and chaos going on in her life, Kate has been trying to keep up the newfound relationship with her daughter. They talk a lot more and Anna has been talking non-stop about the boy that she likes. As they talk, she notices how much Anna is just like her father. They only have one thing that reminds Kate of herself in Anna is the hair. Anna inherited her grain, which she feels really bad for. Kate never really loved her hair.

She's made obvious progress with Anna but Martin is a different story. He's the one that's more like her. He's definitely in introvert, has low self-esteem, and doesn't know how to talk about what he feels so instead he keeps it all bottled up. But just as Kate did, she knows one day he's going to blow up and it won't be pretty. She was lucky enough to blow up with Rick but Martin could do it to the wrong person.

Right now, she's trying to help him with his practice SAT. He's acting like he doesn't care and is being lazy. He doesn't see the potential he has in himself. He thinks he's stupid so he doesn't try and it's very painful to go through especially as his mother.

"Martin listen to me. You have to pass your SAT this time so you can get into a decent college. In today's world it's virtually impossible to get a job without a degree. Please sweetie you have to at least try."

"We've been doing this for two hours mom. I'm tired."

"You'll be testing for over two hour's babe. You only ten minute breaks. Maybe. Answer these twenty questions," she said pointing to the booklet. "And then we're done for the day. But only if you use the strategies."

"Okay."

Kate set the timer for fifteen minutes and waited in the next room while he tested. He's having the most trouble in his writing sections. Therefore, that's their primary focus for now.

When Kate called time Martin looked so drained of energy and motivation that she just wanted to cry. Her son is struggling and she feels so helpless. Martin is too stubborn to receive help from a tutor. She doesn't know what to do.

"Okay let's see how you did." Kate compared Martin's answers to the answer sheets and marked the incorrect ones. "Wow Martin."

"See I told you! This is such a waste of time! I don't care anymore!"

"You got seventeen correct." Kate smiled when she watched the anger dissipate from sons face.

"What?" He asked completely in shock.

"See for yourself." Martin compared his answers and still couldn't believe that he'd done so well. Nevertheless, he smiled anyway. It was positively refreshing to see the scowl gone from his face.

"I did it!" He turned to his mother and his face expression said that he needs her confirmation again. She happily gave it to him.

"Yes you did!" She stood up and hugged him tight. "I'm so proud of you. I knew you could do it Martin."

"Thank you."

"Okay these three that you got wrong, they were all on parallel structure. Now I know I said we were done but there is a packet solely on parallel structure that I want you to read. Then we'll try this again a different set of questions."

"Okay. Thanks mom." He's still has a smile.

"No problem dude."

"Oh please don't say "dude" makes you sound so lame."

"Noted."

Martin checked his phone when it beeped. "John wants to know if he can come over."

"Does he? Is that because he's already here?"

Martin scoffed. "What makes you say that?"

"Just go open the door for your friend."

He smiled. "Thanks mom."

"Mmhmm."

Kate went into her office and sat down at her desk. She's still a little traumatized about what happened the last time she encountered john. She'd rather avoid him until he leaves.

Castle sent over her story the night she asked him to and since then she's been working on it. She's gotten to chapter twenty-one and now she feels like she's getting somewhere. She's figured out her plot she just hasn't figured out her ending yet. And there's this idea that keeps nagging at her but she's scared to make that move. It would change many things and she doesn't even know if she's allowed to make such bold moves without the agency knowing. She'll keep working on it for now though.

Kate's phone rings and on the caller ID it says Castle. She hasn't been answering his phone calls and the only time she calls him back is when she knows he's busy and couldn't answer. She knows she should talk to him because he's probably feeling like crap and he doesn't deserve it. She can't avoid him forever because tomorrow is his birthday and the charity gala is tomorrow too. Therefore, she'll have to see him and face the music. She just hopes that he won't be so mad at her that they can't be friends anymore.

* * *

When john and martin went upstairs to martin's room Kate took the open opportunity to grab something to eat. Since she's been working with Martin all day, she never got a chance to eat anything.

While Kate ate her sandwich over the sink she received a text message from Rick. She's surprised but maybe he only sent it to see if she would reply. Maybe he thinks she's upset with him. She isn't, just confused with herself and what she really wants. Castle right now is at the heart of her confusion so conversing with him isn't the best idea for her.

When she read his text, she thought it seemed harmless and it might be okay if she replied.

**Going to the gala?**

_Have to_

It took a whole minute for him to respond.

**Me too. Will going?**

_Yes_

**Meredith and I have broken up.**

Kate almost dropped her phone when she read the new message. What the hell happened? She didn't like Meredith when she met her but she's Castle's girlfriend so Kate has to wish them the best. Even though she honestly thinks, he can do better.

Talking about this through text message seems so wrong and she thinks Castle deserves better than that. He needs a comforting voice not a message so Kate decided to call him. He answered on the first ring.

"Hey Castle," she greeted. "I'm so sorry about you and Meredith."

"It's okay." To Kate his voice sounded distant and hesitant. "I saw it coming a long time ago."

"Yeah but still. I know you really liked her."

"Yeah. Um whatcha doing?"

"Eating a sandwich. Then I'm going to go shopping. I need a dress for tomorrow night."

"My mothers about to as well. Said she'll come to the gala to keep me company."

"That's sweet of her." It feels like they're both skipping over the topic they want to talk about the most.

"Yeah." There was dead silence between for three minutes until Castle just blurted it out. "Where have you been Kate?"

Kate sighed and ran here fingers through her hair. She expected this to come up. "Castle I know I shouldn't have just shut you out for three days but I needed time to think."

"About what?"

"It's just I needed to think about me and what I want."

"How do I conflict with that Kate?" Suddenly Castle remembered what Meredith said about how Kate thinks she's falling for him. That couldn't have been true?

"It's complicated."

"Well uncomplicated it for me."

She doesn't know how to tell him without telling him she has feelings for him. She doesn't know if she's ready for him to know yet. She barely even knows how she feels about him.

"I don't know how to do that Castle."

"Start with why what you want has to do with me."

"I can't."

"Fine I get it. Call me when you're ready to talk."

Castle hung up leaving Kate feeling worse than she already was. She didn't mean to upset him but what else could she have said? "Oh I'm conflicted about what I want because I think I'm falling for you but I'm still a married woman." Yeah she doesn't think he would've appreciated that.

Plus she doesn't even know how he feels about her. Martha did say that she believes he may have feelings for her because apparently talks about her all the time. But that doesn't necessarily mean he likes her. It could just be he's happy to have a real friend in his life. Someone who doesn't want to get to know him because he's rich and famous but because of who he is. That would easily explain.

But a part of Kate knows that isn't the real reason. So what the hell is she going to do? Call him back tell him how she feels and then what? Nothing could ever come of them while she's still with Will. But that didn't stop him from cheating… She can't keep acting as if she doesn't have feelings for Castle and she can't just avoid him for the rest of her life. Maybe it's time to just bite the bullet.

Kate threw on her shoes and her jacket before going to give Martin and John money for the movies. She doesn't want them in the house while she's gone. She shared a cab with them and it dropped them off at the movies first and proceeded a few blocks until she arrived at the mall.

She walked around for a while mindlessly rubbing her thumb on her phone screen. She's debating on whether she should call him or not. It might be easier to just tell him rather than have him clueless. Before she could decide however, she heard someone calling her name from the top floor. She looked up and saw Martha waving at her, gesturing for her to come up.

Wow. What a perfect person to run into. No doubt, Martha would help her with this dilemma. When she reached the top of the stairs, the two women hugged each other as a greeting.

"What a pleasant surprise! I haven't seen you since we met."

"I know. We should get together more often."

"Agreed. What're you doing here?"

"Looking for a dress actually. I need one for the gala tomorrow night and I wanna get Castle something for his birthday."

"Oh. Me too we can look together."

Kate smiled brightly. "That sounds great actually." The last time she's been shopping with her mother is when she was fifteen and not yet pregnant.

"So how're you doing? Any progress with the cheater?"

"Yes and no. he seems to be more active in our marriage lately but he doesn't know that I know so we can't really work on our problems."

"Maybe you should tell him."

"I don't know how and plus I wanna get definitive proof that he's cheating. Just having underwear isn't enough."

"I see. Now what about Richard? Why haven't you been talking to him?" Martha asked walking into one of the stores to find a dress.

"He told you?"

"Some things a mother just knows."

Kate just got a weird sense of déjà vu. She remembers when she was sixteen and she was telling her mother that she was pregnant and her mother already knew. Johanna had claimed that she saw the differences in the way Kate was acting, eating, and knew something was up. She said it was some things a mother just knows.

"You remember what happened…don't you?"

Martha chuckled at Kate's un-comfortableness. The girl had no reason to be nervous. "When he had you against the wall? Yes I remember."

"Well that caused a lot of conflict for me."

"Oh I love this dress. You have to try it on."

"Brown isn't really my color."

"Nonsense. Just try it go." When Kate went in the dressing room, she finished talking about Rick.

"Anyway. Now that something's happened between us it won't be same."

"I don't believe you darling. Whatever you're feeling now you've always felt. But now after you and Richard have kissed those feelings are more prominent."

Kate came out of the dressing room and stood in front of the mirror.

"You're right I don't like it," Martha said handing Kate another dress. "You're scared of what these feelings say about you. You are a married woman and you don't want to cheat on your husband. But you want to be with Richard. It's harder to resist now that you've gotten a taste of him."

Kate blushed and shook her head. Martha is definitely a free spirit. She came out of the dressing room.

"What if you're right Martha?"

"I am. Turn around."

"I do want to be with him but that means I'm giving up my husband before we even get a chance to fix ourselves. I've been with him for as long as I can remember. I can't just give that up because I have feelings for someone else."

"I get your point darling. I understand. But here's the thing you need to keep in mind. What if you choose your husband and it doesn't work out? Richard might not be available."

"I have to do what's best for my kids."

"Aren't they adults now? I'm sure they want nothing more than to see you happy."

Kate frowned. "Maybe."

"Lets try some more but I like this one."

"Okay."

Once both Kate and Martha found the dresses they were going to wear, they bought them and went their separate ways. But before Martha, left she told Kate to call Castle and let him know what she's decided. She said it was better to let him know than to never speak to him again so he'd find out on his own.

So here she is pacing back and forth trying to decide to call him or not. Is this something to be discussed over the phone? Maybe she should meet him somewhere.

Kate texted him to meet at her house in twenty minutes. Then she regretted it because now she wishes that she chose a public place. That way it would be easier and less awkward.

* * *

"Why did you ask me here Kate?" Castle asked walking in to her apartment.

"I'm ready to talk."

"So talk."

Kate took a deep breath walked over to stand in front of him. "I have…feelings for, you. That I uh shouldn't."

"You have feelings for me?" On Kate's nod he continued. "What type of feelings?"

Kate scoffed. "Are you gonna make me say it?"

"What about these feelings?"

"When we kissed I realized how strong they were. It scares me."

"Why?"

"Because I wanna be with you," Castle took a step closer to her and she held her hands to get him to stop. "But I can't cheat on my husband."

"What re you saying then Kate?"

"I'm saying I want to try and work it out with Will. I can't just give up eighteen years over one mistake."

"He made more than one Kate. But I get it. I understand."

"I hope we can still be friends."

He wanted to yell "fat chance!" But couldn't bring himself to do it. He can't just be friends with her, he knows that now, but being in her life I some capacity is better than not.

"Of course we can." He gave her his best smile although he doesn't feel happy.

Kate smiled and hugged him. Castle's hands came up to rest on her waist and he felt here shiver underneath his touch and body cant towards him.

"But our attraction to one another-" Kate pulled away from him.

"Cold be a problem," he finished.

"Yeah."


	20. Chapter 20

**Not so fond of this chapter. Hopefully it isn't as bad as I think it is.**

* * *

_"What do you mean you have to work?"_ Kate yelled at Will. Their both already dressed and ready to go to the gala together.

"I mean Charlie apparently has a problem with the plan I came up with for our merger. She needs me to come see her."

"You have to do it tonight?" she asked folding her arms across her chest.

"She needs me to come in tonight because the meeting is early tomorrow."

Whoa. What?

"She? Charlie is a woman?"

Will sighed loudly before gathering his things that he'll need for the trip downtown. "Eleven years I've been working with this company and you're trying to tell me that you never knew my boss was a woman?"

"Maybe 'cause you failed to mention it!" She screeched.

Will realized that this was going down hill quickly. But he doesn't have the time to deal with her.

"Kate I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it. It's not my fault that you failed to realize it until now. Where's this coming from anyway?" He asked heading to the front door.

"Where's what coming from?"

"The whole my boss is a woman things. Why is this a problem?"

"It's not. Forget it." Kate went to walk away but Will reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Look I'm really sorry I have to miss this. But I promise to be at the next one. I love you Katie." He leaned in to try to her but Kate turned away.

"Aren't you late?"

"The kids go on spring break soon maybe we can all take a trip together."

"Just go okay. I have to finish getting ready."

After Will left Kate sat on the arm rest of the couch. How much more of this is she going to take? Does he not know the embarrassment she'll face when she walks in there alone? He's done so many things these past few weeks that have hurt her and tonight he does something else. Does he not care about her? Is her work not just as important as his? This has to be the final straw or else he'll keep doing things because she lets him.

She fell backwards on the couch so she could lie down but keep her feet dangling off the arm rest. Kate stretched her arms up above her head and stared at the ceiling.

What if he truly doesn't care anymore? Then that would make her foolish for choosing him over Rick. Perhaps she's made the wrong choice. Will has been cheating on her for God knows how long, he turned down her advances, and now he's abandoning her at a charity event. Yep three strikes and he's out. He's done other things but those were the breaking points.

If she's going to choose Rick she doesn't want to one of those people who never leave their spouse for their lover. If she's going to go to this gala and tell him that she wants to be with him she's going to do it right. She has to leave Will. It's what she wants and it's what's fair Rick.

* * *

Kate was in deep thought the entire drive to the Waldorf Astoria. She was thinking about how she needed to get hard proof that Will is cheating. Text messages, e-mails, voicemails, or even catching him in the act. Something to get her out of this loveless marriage.

She was also thinking about what she would tell Castle. Yesterday they agreed they could be friends but she could sense his reluctance to accept that offer. Maybe since then he's completely given up on her and anything she tells him tonight he might just shrug off. She would have to convince him beyond a reasonable doubt that she wants to be with him because he's where her heart is.

When her car stopped in front of the hotel and the driver let her out she was immediately hit with flashing lights and people shouting at her. Sometimes she forgets she's famous but right now she's so embarrassed because she's husbandless and they're asking where the "cutie" is. But she won't let them get to her. She'll keep her head high.

"He had work emergency but don't worry he'll make it up to me," she said winking at the camera.

When she walked into the building she was escorted into the ball room where so many people already flooded the floor. There was a stage to the far left of where she was standing, she guessed it's for when the donations were tallied. Jack wants her to donate small amounts to all the charities that way when they go through the list her name will repeatedly pop up and she'll get more publicity. He told her not to go below fifty thousand and there are over thirty charities being sponsored tonight. That's just over a million dollars. Not so bad but she better get a big bonus for doing this.

As she scans the room she sees a few people she knows, some she'd rather not speak to. But she can't find Castle. Maybe he's just to here yet.

"Stay positive Kate," she said aloud to herself while smoothing her hands down her dress.

"Katie!" she heard someone call out behind her. She turned to see Jack coming her way with an extra drink in his hand.

"Hi. You look nice."

"Thank you so do you. Where's Will? Tell me he's here?" He asked handing her a drink.

"Minor work emergency. He just make it you never know."

"You don't sound sure."

"'Cause I'm not. Why does he need to be here? It's not like it's his money being spent here."

"I wanted both your names on the list. That way you guys look like couple of the year."

"Always manipulating," Kate said rolling her eyes and taking a sip of her champagne.

"Of course it's my job. Speaking of which how's the book?"

"It's coming along. I think I'm about half way through. I can send you the first few chapters."

"Fantastic. When are you going to donate?"

"If you want people to remember my name then I should be one of the last names written on the list. Or at least try."

"That's smart. When'd you get smart?"

Before Kate could retort she heard a familiar voice off in the distance. She instantly turned to the sound and found Castle talking to a group of people including a woman who had her arm wrapped around his waist. She wanted to go over there but she wouldn't know what to say and she definitely didn't want to go over alone.

"Jack?"

"Hmm?"

"Come with me."

* * *

When Castle first arrived at the gala he wanted to turn back around and go home. But both his mother and Gina stopped him because he needs to make an appearance and promote his new book. When he looks around the room all he can see are people he has nothing in common with. None of these people are his friends, they only talk to him because of his money and his success. If he really needed them none would be there. The only person here he knows is a friend would be Mayor Weldon. And he's only here for a few minutes.

He'll do as he's told though. He'll smile, talk to people, shake a few hands, and talk about his book but that doesn't mean he has to be happy about it. He's letting Gina do most of the heavy lifting anyway. He's trying to keep the conversation light and keeping them laughing.

Besides that he's bored. His mother has "gone fishing" and he hasn't seen her in a few minutes. Gina's talking to a savvy investor about something he doesn't understand. He drifted away in his own mind about ten minutes ago. He's thinking of a scene for a book. Nothing specific. Just a stolen moment between two lovers. He wishes someone would steal him right now.

"Rick," the wife of the investor called. "I wanted to formerly introduce myself. I'm Lauren Reynolds."

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Reynolds."

"I wanted to tell you that I'm a huge fan of your work. Derek Storm is genius."

"Really? That's great! Tell me what's your favorite book?"

"At Dusk we Die has it hands down. Pottery kiln. How did you come up with that?"

Castle smiled. She actually reads his work. "Lets just leave it at…personal experiences," he said wiggling his eye brows.

The woman just smiled and shook her head then joined in Gina's conversation with her husband. That's when he spotted _her_. Kate was walking up to him with some man he's never seen before. Probably her husband, he thought.

She's wearing a floor length silver dress that pools at her feet and her hair is up in a bun. He's never seen her so dressed up before. (The incident with the robe doesn't count.) He's trying not to stare at her as she approaches him but he can't tear his eyes away from her. She looks so damn beautiful. He just wants to kiss her!

"Hi," she whispered when she walked up to him.

"Hey."

"Are-are you enjoying yourself?"

"Yeah. Yeah I am," he said gesturing to Gina. He noticed that she kept glancing at the arm Gina had around his waist. "So this must be Will?"

"What?" Jack exclaimed.

"Oh no! This is Jack my publisher. Jack this is Rick Castle. Will isn't here."

"Nice to meet you," he said extending his arm out to the man. "Where's Will?"

"Having a meeting with his boss." She hoped that he would understand what she was trying to say. And by the looks of his face he does.

"I'm sorry. He's missing out though you really look stunning. You clean up nice."

"As do you."

Gina turned toward Rick only to be met with two faces. Both she recognized instantly.

"It's you!"

Jack leaned over so he could see who was talking and when he saw the woman his expression turned to an immediate scowl. "It's you."

"I take it you two know each other," Castle said.

Gina walked around to directly face Jack. "Hell yeah we do. You stole her from me."

"I did no such thing. It was you who stole him from me."

"What the hell are you guys talking about?" asked Castle. Kate just stood quietly taking in the scene in front of her.

"I had my eye on Kate Beckett the day she came into Black Pawn to try to get her book published. And we were going for her too until HE signed with her first. Only because he knew I was going to be her publisher."

"Whatever. "When you told her you'd think about it" she came straight to us and she good. Of course I'd take her."

"Lies."

"You can believe what you want," Jack said. "But you and I both know I had him first."

"Yeah you did and I stole him only after you stole her," she said before stomping away.

"She's a pain in my ass," mumbled Jack.

"I have a feeling more went on between you two," Kate said.

"Maybe it did. But I'm not in a sharing mood."

Kate just smiled and watched him as he walked away. When they were alone it was quiet between them. Not so much as awkward but apprehensive. They don't know what to do or say to one another. It's like they're standing on an eggshell hoping it won't crack.

"So," Kate started. "She's your publisher."

"Yeah. Why you thought she was something else?"

"That's not any of my business."

"You're right it isn't."

She was also right about another thing. He isn't happy to just be friends. But hopefully tonight she can change that.

"Where's Martha?" She asked hoping to add some light to the conversation.

"Gone fishing." Kate's expression went from cautious to confused. She doesn't understand what she means but before she got the chance to ask him what he meant he was excusing himself to the restroom.

"See you later?" Is it bad that's she's unsure? Is it bad that he just gave her a small smile as a response? Maybe Martha was right. She made the wrong choice and now he wants nothing to do with her.

Castle went to the restroom and when he came out he told his mother he'd have his car out front waiting to take her home. He had planned for his own way home later that night.

While he was in the bathroom Kate took the time to make her donations. She has a feeling that she'll be leaving soon and wants to get this part out of the way. It's not that she doesn't want to donate it's just she wishes she had someone to celebrate with. Four years ago Will came with her to one of these and every time she donated he would make a big deal out of it. Nothing special just a cheer. But now that she doesn't have it, she feels like she isn't doing enough for the charities.

A few minutes later an announcer came up on stage and was talking to the crowd about something. Kate wasn't necessarily paying any attention. That's when Castle came up behind her and whispered in her ear.

"You wanna get out of here?" She just nodded and took his extended hand. Of course when they try to leave the building the press is still outside so Castle sneaks them out back and down the street. They walk silently together, side by side on the side walk. Kate has to hold up her dress in both hands while she carries her clutch under her arm. There are so many things each wish they could say but they're scared to voice their thoughts.

"There's something I wanna tell you." Kate managed to finally break the silence.

"What?" He had his hands tucked into his pockets.

"I'm leaving Will."

He didn't speak for a while. Just kept walking until they came to a corner. "Why?"

"Because he's not the one I wanna be with."

Again there was a long silence between them. Clearly this is a delicate moment and neither of them want to say anything that will tarnish it.

Castle led them to an old apartment building. "Get ready to run."

"What!" She yelled not fully comprehending what was going on.

"Get ready to run!" He was counting down from three while Kate was taking off her shoes. And as soon as he hit one he grabbed her hand and they took off in a dash. The person who owns the building doesn't like trespassers and Castle intends to trespass for a while. So he ran to the elevator door and pulled it up. Kate stepped inside and helped Castle close the door before the owner could reach them.

"That was fun," Kate said out of breath.

"Lets just hope he doesn't find us. I've done this a few times before and lets just say if I get caught bad things will happen."

It was quiet between them again the entire ride up. When they stopped on the top floor he escorted Kate to the roof of the building. She dropped her shoes on the ground and took in the scene in front of her. She could see the entire city from up there.

"When'd you decide?" he asked taking slow steps towards her.

"I kept thinking about how I chose him when it's obvious he doesn't want anything to do with me. So tonight when he told me he was going to see his boss it had been the final strike. I made the wrong choice."

"You know for sure he doesn't want to be with you?"

"Not one hundred percent but he's done a pretty good job of treating like dirt so even if he wants me I don't want him."

He stepped closer to her until they were face to face. "And who do you want?"

She tried her best not to smile. "You. And I know it's wrong for me to do this because of what I just said yesterday but-"

She never got to finish that sentence because he kissed her. He just couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't enough for him last time and now that he has another opportunity he doesn't want it to go to waist.

"I don't need another explanation or another apology okay? Just kiss me," he said.

"I can do that."


	21. Chapter 21

**So I know I missed three updates but I have a reason. My godmother came into **  
**town. I barely ever get to see her because I live in MD and she lives in North **  
**Carolina. It's the first time I've seen her in YEARS. **

**I'm so sorry. I'll try to stay on schedule from here. Hopefully with what **  
**happens in this chapter you'll forgive me.**

* * *

"Happy birthday Rick. I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner. I just had a lot on my  
mind. But I do have something for you," Kate said taking his hands in hers and  
holding them down by her sides.

"Thank you but you're my present. I don't need anything else."

"Oh! Then I guess you'll have to wait for it like everyone else," Kate said on a  
sigh. Bating him to take the bite.

"What're you talking about?" He raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"I was gonna let you read what I have so far on my new book. But I guess you  
don't want it."

"Oh no. I want. How far are you?"

"I'm at a good position. Almost done actually."

"Great! I can't wait to read it."

Kate smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him lightly. She can do that whenever  
she wants now. So it makes her happy. So what if she's being a sap.

"Do you think we should be heading back?" He asked after a minute.

"No. I don't want to. Can we just walk? Or maybe go back to your place?"

"My mother will be home later tonight," he said in a warning tone.

"You say that like its a bad thing." Castle just huffed out a breath and held  
his hand out for her to take. "I love Martha."

"You met her once."

Kate just blushed slightly. "Maybe not once."

"You and mother talk?" He asked bewildered.

"Just a little. I like her Rick. Don't be mad."

"No no I'm not mad. I'm just amazed. No ones ever taken to my mother like this.  
I'm happy."

"Good. Now lets go. We can't go to jail tonight."

* * *

"This is all YOUR FAULT!" Yelled detective Javier Esposito to his partner Kevin  
Ryan. "If you would've just listened to me we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Stop over exaggerating bro. We got busted down to traffic for one night. Your  
just mad because you had to cancel your stripper date." Ryan looked out the  
window of the patrol car scanning the area as they drove around.

"How many times do I have to tell you Kevin," Esposito said speaking to him as  
if he were a child."I am in a serious relationship."

"Then how come I can't meet her."

"Cause this is serious bro. I wanna know what we have before she meets the  
people that I care about," Esposito explained.

"And when I said that about Jenny I was whipped."

"You were. Still are."

After a minute dispatch came on and told them they were looking for two suspects  
for trespassing and that they would be in their area.

"Whoa whoa whoa. Trespassers two o'clock."

Esposito skidded to the right and turned on his siren. He saw two suspects  
running and he had to say that they're dressed fairly nice. He could tell the  
one of the right was a woman and the other was a man. When they caught up to  
them the two were hiding hands. They couldn't make out any distinct features but  
they were coming up close to the pair.

That's when the pair stopped running and the woman kissed him quickly before man  
took off running again. The woman turned towards the car and held her hands up  
over her face to shield her eyes from the blinding lights of the car.

When the boys pulled up Ryan stepped out of the car first. "Hands behind your  
head," he instructed. The woman did as told and Ryan cuffed her before putting  
her in the back of their police car.

As they all drove the quiet was becoming too much for Ryan. He looked back at  
their suspect and she was staring at the window. It looked like she had a small  
smile on her face.

"So what's your name?" He asked her.

"Kate Beckett."

"Detective Ryan. Do I know you from somewhere?"

"No I don't think so. Maybe you've heard of my books? Came to a signing."

"You're a writer?" Asked Esposito.

"Yeah."

"Oh my goodness1" Ryan exclaimed. "That's it. My girlfriend Jenny loves your  
books. She took me to one of your signings once."

"Well tell her thanks for her support."

"I will I will."

"You said "Beckett" was your name?" Asked Esposito shifting his eyes from the  
road to the rear view mirror to look at Kate.

"Yes."

"Why were you trespassing on private property. That building doesn't take  
tenants anymore."

"I decided to leave cheating husband tonight when he practically told me he was  
going to sleep with his boss. I wanted to celebrate."

"Look where that got you," Ryan mumbled. Esposito just gave her a curious look.  
He feels like he knows her but he doesn't know why. While he was lost in thought  
he didn't see the car that ran its red light and smacked into his patrol car.

The car was hit from the front and sent it spinning into oncoming traffic.  
Luckily cars were able to swerve around them and no further damage was done to  
the car.

"Yo are you okay?" Esposito asked Ryan.

"Yeah you?"

"Yeah. Beckett you alright?"

"No. I-I hit my head."

Both boys turned and saw Kate's head was bleeding.

"We gotta get her to the hospital."

"Yeah. Call it in."

Ryan stepped out the car to assess the damage of their patrol car. When he got  
back in the car he told Esposito that their wasn't even a scratch on the car.  
Only bad thing was the blood stain on the window of the back seat.

"We don't need to call it in," he mumbled. "We're already in enough trouble with  
Montgomery as it is. We don't need this too."

"What about the driver?" Ryan asked pouting to the driver that hit them.

"She ran a red light. We take her in."

Ryan nudged to Kate silently asking what to do with her.

"Tell you what," Esposito began. "We drop you off at the hospital and let you go  
if you don't say anything about this."

"One condition."

"What?" The boys said simultaneously.

"You guys have to get checked out too."

"Fine. But not a word about this." Kate shook her head. "Go get the driver," he  
told Ryan.

* * *

**Can you tell where this is going? I'm excited. :)**


	22. Chapter 22

**Sorry to those who wanted the driver to be Will or the woman Kate thinks he's **  
**cheating with. It just wasn't in the cards.**

Dr. Lanie Parish often likes to take a break from the office and head over to  
the clinic to help those patients who need the medicine she can only provide.  
That means trips to the hospital on her day off but she doesn't mind. She loves  
her job even if it can be a little stressful at times.

She's very worried about a certain patient of hers though. A little girl she's  
been seeing for a few months. She's only nine and half and she lost her entire  
family on a road trip to Las Vegas. She was the only surviver and she had no  
idea what to do. The car was flipped over and soon after she was out of the  
vehicle it exploded. She ended up walking six miles to the nearest gas station  
where a local policemen just happened to be.

He got her home after a few days but soon found out there was no next of kin.  
She lives in an orphanage for now. Dr. Parish often talks to those kids and she  
was able to sway a judge that the girl needed therapy. Asia, that's her name,  
hasn't been coping well with everything that's happened to her. Once she said  
she wished that she died in the crash with her family. Of course Dr. Parish  
sympathized with the girl but as a doctor saying things like that was  
unacceptable.

She sees the girl bi-weekly but she wants to have more frequent sessions with  
her. But of course she can't. Asia is in her prayers every night.

Dr. Parish arrived at the hospital and she entered through the emergency room.  
She got a call on her way over from one of the doctors saying that a patient of  
hers was there because of a car crash. The doctor didn't give any specifics so  
she assumed the patient was trying to harm themselves. When he told her the  
patients name and that the cops escorted her in her world flipped upside down.  
She never thought this person to be suicidal.

It was Kate Beckett.

* * *

Kate was sitting on her bed at the hospital while her doctor, who was too cute  
for his own good, patched her up. On the way she called Castle and told her  
where she would be. When she told him that they were in an accident he nearly  
broke her ear drum when he yelled, "WHAT!"

"I'm fine," she had said. "Just a scratch." Her doctor gave her a funny look. "A  
few scratches maybe but I'm fine."

"I'm coming to get you. Kate I-" he paused for a moment. "I'm so sorry."

"Rick it's not your fault."

"I let you go. I should have never agreed to us splitting up."

"It was my idea. I have a clean record unlike you so it was better to be me than  
you. You wouldn't have gotten off as easily as I would've."

"YOU COULD'VE DIED KATE!"

Kate took a deep breath before responding. She has a terrible headache. "But I  
didn't. Where are you?"

"I'll be there in two minutes," he grumbled. "Kate. I don't know what I'd do if  
something happened to you."

"I know. See you when you get here." Kate hung up the phone and touched her  
fingers to her forehead. Her head feels like it's about to explode.

"I'll prescribe something for your head but I need to know the medications  
you're already on," said Dr. Davidson.

"I'm not on any medication."

"You see a psychiatrist and don't take any medicine?"

"How'd you know that?" She asked glaring at the man.

"It's in your file. We have a right to know these things Mrs. Sorenson.  
Especially at a time like this."

"A time like what?"

Before the doctor could respond someone ran up to Kate taking both her hands.

"Kate I want you to listen to me." It was Dr. Parish. "No matter how low you get  
killing yourself is never the answer-"

"What!"

"You deliberately crashed your car. And I know how you feel inside I know. But  
there are better ways."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself!" Kate said a little too loudly and took her  
hands away from Dr. Parish. "I caught by the cops trespassing and when they were  
taking me in we got hit." She gestured to the cops by the coffee machine.

Lanie paid them no mind. "Why were trespassing sweetie?"

"I was with Rick. We were on the roof of the building and got caught."

"What the hell? Why did I get a call saying it was intentional?"

"I don't know. I didn't even know that you were called."

Before either of them could dwell on the subject any farther Kate heard her name  
get called from somewhere across the room. It was Castle.

"Hey," she tried to greet him with a smile but it came out more like a wince.  
Her head seems to be getting worse every second. Castle wasn't in the mood for  
pleasantries. He completely ignored Lanie and stepped in front of Kate and  
kissed her hard on the lips.

"I'm glad you're okay."

"Are you her husband?" Lanie asked him with a slight glare in her eyes.

"Uh." He looked at Kate for assistance. They never discussed telling people  
about their relationship that started officially two hours ago. "No I'm uh her  
friend." He held out his hand.

"Dr. Parish this is Rick," Kate finally said.

"Oh!" She said with some excitement. "Nice to finally meet you Fredrick."

Kate instantly turned red in the face and wide eyed.

"Uh. It's Richard. Richard Castle," he corrected. Looking side ways at Kate.

"Richard Castle, the author?" Lanie exclaimed. On Castle's nod and she gave Kate  
a knowing look. Kate suddenly was becoming very afraid of her doctor. She's  
never seen her that way before. "I knew you were lying."

"I'm sorry am I missing something?" Castle asked looking before the two women.

"Hey Castle. Is that you?" Someone asked from behind them. All three of them  
turned at the sound of his voice.

"Yeah it is. What's up bro?" Esposito asked.

"Nothing much," Castle said greeting the boys. "How've you guys been?"

"Same old same old. Still getting in trouble with Montgomery," Ryan said.

Esposito took notice at how Castle was dressed. He hasn't changed out of his  
suit. "Hey! Were you the one who was running with Beckett? Yeah it was you. Why  
am I not surprised."

Esposito looked past and saw Lanie standing there with her hands on her hips  
giving him one of her looks. "Lanie? What- what're you doing here?"

He walked over to her and kissed her cheek.

"Tending to one of my patients."

"You guys know each other?" Kate asked them.

"Yeah."

"What the hell is going on here?"

It was quiet between the group until a female voice rang out calling "Kevin!"

"Jenny. I told you you didn't need to come down here. I'm fine."

"I know. But I had to see for myself."

"Jenny?" Kate said drawing the woman's attention.

"Kate? Oh my goodness. What're you doing here?"

"You guys know each other?" Ryan asked.

"Yes. We were roommates at Stanford."

"What the hell is going on here?" Castle asked. "How do we all know each other?  
Kate?"

"What?" She said confused.

"This all started with you."

Kate took a deep breath. Her headache spread to her neck. "Freshman year at  
Stanford Jenny and I were roommates. We continued being friends but lost touch a  
few years ago." She paused. "Dr. Parish is my-therapist."

Lanie didn't have the heart to correct her.

"Rick is my best friend. These two lovely gentlemen arrested me. Are we good?"

"This is the woman you've been seeing?" Ryan asked his partner.

"Yeah. I was gonna introduce you guys."

"Mhmm," Ryan said not believing his partner for a second. He extended his hand  
to Lanie. "Nice to finally meet the woman who changed my partner. And that's  
compliment."

Lanie chuckled. "You too. Javi's told me alot about you."

Ryan smiled.

Castle took the liberty of explaining how he knew the boys. "They've got me out  
of trouble countless times. Then they were giving great insight into the force.  
Over the years we've gotten closer. I did meet Jenny once or twice before." He  
faced the woman and gave her a smile. "Nice to see you again."

"You too," she said.

"It's a small fucking world," Dr. Davidson said. All eyes were on him and he  
immediately regretted saying anything. "Sorry."

"Now that we all know each other," Kate said. "Can I go?"

"Go?" Castle said.

"They're letting me go. I'll explain later."

"Yeah. Ryan where's the woman who hit us?" Esposito asked.

"Doctors are still working with her. Apparently hitting a cop car did something  
to her. She went into shock."

"Damn," he muttered.

"Are you okay?" Lanie asked her boyfriend. "You got checked out?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Not a scratch."

"Poor choice of words," Kate mumbled. Referring to the deep gash on her  
forehead. She didn't need stitches but it still hurts.

"Sorry."

"Kate. Call me. We need to talk," Lanie told her, giving her an 'I don't wanna  
hear any excuses' look.

"Gotcha." Her head feels extremely heavy.

"Call me too. We can do lunch. Maybe catch up?" Jenny asked her.

"Of course. It was so good seeing you."

After Kate got her prescription of pain meds Castle drove her home. Lanie  
proceeded to tend to the patients she came to see. Ryan and Esposito took the  
driver down to the twelfth after departing with Jenny.

The car ride to Kate's house was quiet until she finally spoke up.

"Hell of a day huh?"

"Hell of a day."

"I bet you'll never forget this birthday."

"Of course not. It's my first birthday with you." Kate just smiled at him.  
"Why'd you tell your doctor my name was Fredrick?"

"I didn't want her to know who you really were. The last thing I need is for the  
press to find out I'm cheating on my husband."

"That makes sense. But Fredrick?" He fake shivered in disgust. "Couldn't have  
thought of anything better?"

"No. I was calling you Rick so I had to improvise."

"You've been calling me Castle for a little while though. Why?"

"Don't worry about it."

"So there is a reason?"

"Yes. But it doesn't matter now RICK," she said putting emphasis on the "k."

"Mhmm. We'll see."

She shook her head at him. "Oh yeah I meant to tell you. Those friends of yours  
are pretty cool. I think they were in trouble with their boss or something and  
that's why they were so freaked when we got hit. They thought taking the girl in  
for hitting a police car would score them more points then a trespasser."

"Yeah. I love those guys. Don't tell them I said that. They've been helpful to  
me over the years. If I had known that was the them chasing us I wouldn't have  
made us run."

"Better safe than sorry."

"I never would've guessed though. They usually don't drive the blue and whites.  
But maybe that's a part of their punishment for whatever they did. They're  
always getting in trouble."

"Sounds alot like someone I know." Castle just gave her a look that said 'not  
funny.' Kate smiled at him and took his hand. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For putting up with me. I'm nothing but drama. Apparently."

"Have you met my mother? Trust me I've got drama in my life. Not to mention my  
life sucking publisher."

Kate laughed lightly. "But still. You could've told me I was too late tonight  
but you didn't. I'll be forever grateful."

"Come here. I wanna kiss you," he said his eyes alternating from looking at Kate  
to the road.

"Nope. Pull over. I don't need to be in another accident."

**I'm happy I finally got to introduce the rest of the cast! Coming up next is **  
**Kate and Rick and some more Kate and Rick with a side of Kate and Rick. Spring **  
**break time!**


	23. Chapter 23

**I'm just happy I got something up today. I'l be busy (sadly) for the next couple of days.**

She hates him. She hates Richard Castle so much. With all her heart. Okay, maybe she doesn't _hate _him. Okay she doesn't hate him, not at all. She hates the fact that his publicist has made him go on an impromptu book tour. Just a small one circling the surrounding states. He comes back in two days and she doesn't think she'll be able to survive it. Yeah of course she's gone long periods of time without seeing him but that was when they were friends not together. Now they're together and she misses him. So dearly.

Kate collapses on her bed with her arms spread wide. What can she do? She can write. Only a few more chapter until she finishes. It would probably be best to do that since her deadline is coming up. But….no. she doesn't want to. She should probably check on her kids. Anna's been quiet lately so she wants to see what's up with her. And maybe even that guy she's crushing on.

Kate gets up from bed but before she leaves something in the closet catches her eye. A white grocery bag. Filled with…chocolate! Oh that's exactly what she needs. As weird as it may sound. She falls to the floor and leans against the wall an unwraps a crunch bar. Mmm, it's so good. Like heaven. Like _Rick_. Smooth and sweet yet a little crunch to add excitement. What is wrong with her? She must really miss him if she's comparing him to a chocolate bar. PA-THE-TIC.

She finished off the crunch bar and stuffed two more chocolate kisses in her mouth. It helps take away some of her pathetic sadness but nothing can replace Rick. Not even chocolate.

She should call Anna. A distraction would be nice.

"Hey mom," Anna says when she picks up her phone.

"Hey. So your dad and I were discussing spring break he wanted to know what you wanted to do? He suggested a family vacation." She knows her daughter and she knows that Anna would not want to spend the entire break with her family.

"No. absolutely not. I wanna go to grandma's."

"Why?" Her fathers mother of course. Kate and Will's mother don't get along all that great. Lets just say she doesn't approve of Kate's line of work.

"Haven't seen her in a while. Thought we'd catch up."

She can imagine Anna shrugging as she spoke. "You can do that with a phone call. What's going on?"

Anna took a breath then sighed. "I think I'm going crazy mom."

"O-k." Kate sat on the couch and crossed her legs, giving Anna her undivided attention. "Can you elaborate?"

"I have feelings for someone. Someone I hate."

"John."

"Wha- how'd you know?"

"Honey. It's my job to know these things. I saw it coming a mile away. What happened to the other guy?"

"He's a cheater. I wasn't going to give him the opportunity to cheat on me."

Kate smiled. "That's good. Once a cheater always a cheater. Guys don't change and as much as you hope they'll change for you they won't. It's great that you know this Anna. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks. But I wanted to go to grandma's because John lives around there. Thought I'd do a "oh my gosh what're you doing here?" Things. I know cheesy but it's all I've got."

"Yeah. That move is cheesy but it's still effective. Especially if he's as dumb as you portrya him to be."

"He's not dumb. His GPA is a 3.9. He pretends mom. _Pretends_. Who wants to act like they're stupid?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "He most likely does it annoy you Anna. I'm betting he likes you too."

"Really?"

Kate scoffed. "Don't you know the signs? A guy acting dumb to annoy you is equivalent to him hitting you in elementary school."

"You think I should talk to him?" Anna asked.

"Yes. But don't be serious. Well not as overly serious as you can be sometimes."

"Alright."

"You know what your brothers doing? He hasn't checked in today."

"He's here. He came in the library with a group of his friends a little while ago. We've all just been working."

"Working riiiight. Well call me when you're about to come home." There was a knock on her front door. "I'll come pick you guys up."

"Sure thing."

"Okay. Bye I love you," she said walking to her door.

"You too."

Kate hung up and opened her door only to come face to face with a dozen roses. "What's going on?"

The man holding the flowers moved them to the side so she could see who he was. "I've missed you," Castle said.

"What are you doing here?" she asked excitedly.

"Finished early. Thought I'd drop by. Say hello." He smiled.

Kate took the flowers and set them on the kitchen counter before turning around and hugging Castle as tightly as she could. "I missed you."

"I can tell," he said breathless from her crushing him. Castle leaned in for a kiss and Kate gladly gave it to him. "What are we going to do today? Are your kids home?"

"No they're out. Anna's prepping for finals and Martin is supposed to be working on his SAT's but I doubt it. Not when he's with his friends."

"But he's serious about it though?"

"Yeah. Of course. You know what?" Castle just made a humming sound and wrapped his arms around Kate's waist. "I'm gonna pick them up when they call so why don't we just watch a movie or something? I could make snacks? Or lunch? That sounds like a better option."

"Yeah but I brought scrabble. And I wanna play so I can beat you."

Kate snorted. "You're looking at the master right here."

"You wanna play?"

"What do I get when I win?"

Castle smiled and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Anything your heart desires."

Kate just smiled seductively and gestured to her table. "Set it up."

**I could write the scene if you guys want.**


	24. Chapter 25

**I'm awful I know. I'm a horrible horrible person. I had computer problems on Saturday when I had this chapter done. Forgive me please for taking so long getting this up.**

**I did just upload the wrong document, the storyline hasn't changed at all. Thankyou to all those who messaged or told me in a review. Forgive me please I'm only human. I uploading this as chapter 25 so you all get the notification but I will go back and delete the invasive chapter of Dangerously in Love. **

**Now I know scrabble has set rules but just bare with me okay. It all works out but one word. Maybe. **

"You know you're going to lose right?" Kate asked Rick, raising her eyebrow in challenge.

"We'll see about that," Castle said. He knows that he could easily win this game simply because he's so good at it but he thinks he's going to let Kate win. It's the least he can do since he's been gone for the past couple days.

Kate and Rick sat opposite each other at the table that Kate has in her little room behind her office. She likes to call it her library because she has floor to ceiling books and even a couple piled on the floor.

Kate set up the board while Castle picked out his seven letters and placed them on his little bench.

"Aww look. "U" and "I" are next to each other on the bench," he said sarcastically.

"'I" would've kicked "U" off the bench for saying something so corny." Kate smiled and Castle couldn't help but smile back.

Kate kept her eyes on Castle while she slowly reached her hand in the silver bag and pulled out seven letters. Maybe she should let Castle win. She plays a mean game a scrabble and plus she wouldn't want to bruise his ego. She'll dumb up. How about that? Yeah that should work. And this way he won't sense that she's trying to let him win.

Castle folded a sheet of paper and on one side wrote "Chocolate Fein" and on the other wrote "Ruggedly Handsome Lover." When Kate saw what he wrote about her she laughed but when she read his name she looked sad almost. She didn't want him to just be a lover. She wants Rick to be hers, the real thing. The only thing standing in between them getting together is Will.

Did she mention how good Rick looks right now? He's wearing simple jeans that hug his butt and a black shirt that brings the muscles out in his arms. He also has on his brown jacket which helps bring out the blue in his eyes. She could stare at him all day. No correction. She could _do _him all day. In fact that's what she wants, not to play this game but to finally experience what it feels like to be with him.

"Who's going first?" Castle asked.

Kate figures he could get a head start in points by going first. "You can."

"That confident huh?"

"Oh yeah." She's laughing inside.

Castle arched an eyebrow while he put down his tiles. They went from the star down onto the double letter score box. His letters were B.O.O (Free space). E.

"Really?" Kate said, unimpressed.

"What? Booze is a great word."

"Try again."

"No."

"Why not?" She learned forward in her seat to look more intimidating.

Castle swallowed thickly. He didn't want to give himself away just yet. "That's the only word I can make."

"I don't believe you. But fine.. Sixteen points for you." Castle inwardly sighed of relief. She's not the type of woman who knowingly lets someone lose for her. "And if you get to make a stupid word so do I."

Kate placed down the smallest word she could possibly make. She decided to connect it with Castle's free space.

Q. (free space) A. I. L.S. Not the best of words but it's the smallest she could think of besides A. I. L. S but that wouldn't have fit. Also she didn't have an "M" to make "mails."

"You can't do that," Castle said. "You can't make the "E" in Booze a "U" for quails."

"I just did." why can't he just accept that she's doing this for his own good?

"No." he shook his head to emphasize point."

"You're just mad because I got your double letter and a double word score." How'd she manage that? Maybe she shouldn't have put that "S" on the end of quails but she didn't want to be too obvious.

"Fine I'll allow it," he said putting his hand to his chest acting like it was actually hurting him. Kate just rolled her eyes. "But you don't get my double letter."

"Whatever." She's laughing inside. "Twenty eight points for me."

After they both picked up more tiles it was Castle's turn. Weirdly he ended up with another free space. A. T. O. (free space). S. he connected it to the "S" in quails.

Kate raised an eyebrow in concern. Why does he keep choosing sixth grade level words? What's up? She can keep doing low level words if he can. Castle surely doesn't know who he's up against.

"Ha-ha. Double letter and double word score." Inside he's smug because he knows he must be driving her crazy with his mediocre words.

"Whoa. Ten points for you." she said sarcastically. With the B in Booze and the A in atoms Kate connected them to make Boilable, taking Castle's double letter score and having her own triple letter score.

"How do you manage to keep getting bonus points? What's that thirty six now?" He wondered why she decided to use such a fifth grade word. She got a decent amount of points from it but he's fairly certain that she could've used something a little more advanced. He's not going to say anything though, he doesn't want her catching on.

"What's the matter Ricky you upset 'cause you're losing?" When Castle looked at her with his eyes shining and a smile on his lips she felt her stomach flutter and her heart skip a beat. She didn't have time to dwell on the fact that again she could've chosen a smaller, weaker word because she's too distracted by Castle's ocean blue eyes. They're like the tide. They keep pulling her in, further and further. "Castle?" she said letting the "l" linger for a moment. "Can I have a kiss?"

"Sure. I will kiss your sore butt after I spank you in this game."

She couldn't even be upset with his smartass remark because now she has visions of him kissing her backside and having those lips of his roam other places on her body.

While staring openly at Castle's mouth she vaguely hears him say something about "Noish" and having thirteen points because of two triple letter scores. In the back of her mind Kate knew it was her turn but she wasn't paying any attention to the letters she was putting down. The full meaning of the word didn't hit her until Castle read it out loud. She connected it to the "E" in boilable.

"Erotically." He raised his eyebrow. "What're you thinking about there Kate?"

"About whooping your ass," she lied. "That's two triple word scores and one double letter."

"So you have over one hundred points. So what?" Castle's beginning to think this is about more than a game. The only way to test this theory is to put down another controversial word that's bound to illicit a response.

After refilling his letters Castle decided to go full out with his next word. He connected it to the "L" in quails. A simple yet meaningful four utter word. L.O.V.E

Rick heard Kate's sharp intake of breath and that's when he knew the game was no longer about scores or who wins and loses. It's something deeper than that.

It's Kate's turn and she put down five tiles, connecting her word to the "E" in Love.

U.R.G.E.N.T

Castle's turn to swallow thickly. He knows he has to follow up so he connected his next word to the "N" in noish.

Y.E.A.R.N

Kate's heart is beating so quickly that she can fell it in the palm of her hand and hear it pounding in her ears.

She connected her next word to the "L" in boilable.

C.A.R.N.A.L

She can hear Castle's breathing pick up. She needs to focus on something other than his lips otherwise she won't be able to stop herself from jumping across the table.

Rick's next word was short but it definitely has a longer meaning. Connecting it to the "Y" in yearn Castle spelled Y.E.N

When he looked up at Kate he could tell she was holding herself back. She wants him, he can tell. And he knows just the way to tell her that he wants her too.

Kate connected her next word with "R" in carnal.

D.E.S.I.R.E

Oh _wants_ her. He connected his next word with the "S" in desire.

L.U.S.T

Kate was beginning to sweat now. She doesn't know how much longer she can hold out. Maybe she should focus on the score. Yeah. Brilliant idea.

Connecting it with the "R" in yearn Kate's next word was A.R.D.O.R

Fuck the score.

Using the "A" in ardor Castle's word spelled A.V.I.D.I.T.Y

The next word is what she hopes Castle is now because she wants so badly to relive him of the pressure.

Using the "I" in avidity Kate spelled F.I.R.M

Using the second "I" Castle came back quickly with confirmation.

F.I.N.E

That's it. That's all she needs. Kate pushed the scrabble board aside and climbed across the table to press her lips to Castle's.


	25. Chapter 26

**Okay don't hate me. This is a short chapter but I'm trying to establish the relationship between Rick and Kate. I have something major planned (dramatic music) and I have to get this part out of the way. Plus I didn't want to ruin this scene by adding irrelevancies to it.**

When Kate climbed over the table to kiss him, the force of it knocked over Castle's chair sending them both tumbling down to the floor. She didn't let it stop her though, she simply giggled against him.

Castle wasn't expecting her to sexually attack him after the last word he put down. He thought they would talk about what they wanted to happen between them. He never figured the shy Kate Beckett he met at the park to be this _aggressive _when it came to this. Not that he's complaining, it just comes as a shock as all. He always thought if they ever slept together that he would always take lead. Evidently he was wrong.

He lets himself enjoy the feel of her pressed against him. It was never this delicate and sensual with other women. It was always just quick and to the point but obviously that isn't what she has in mind. He can feel that she's trying to take this farther than what he's willing to go. He doesn't want to sleep with her yet. They just got together. And she's married! Not until after she leaves him.

"Kate," he mumbled between kisses.

"Rick," she taunted.

"We can't."

That stopped her instantly. Kate sat up and looked down at him, confused.

"What're you talking about?"

"I don't want," he paused unsure of how to explain it. "I can't have sex with you until you leave Will." Blunt always works. Sometimes.

Castle stood up and walked out the room into the kitchen. Kate simply followed. "Rick," she began. "I already have left him. He means nothing to me now. The only thing binding us together is a piece of paper. No emotions. Believe me when I tell you that it's you I want."

"I do believe you. But like it or not you're still with him. He'll always hold a place in your heart."

"Of course Castle. He's the father of my children and he was my first. He's an unforgettable character in my life. But that doesn't mean you aren't special to. You have something that he Will never have again."

"What's that?"

"Trust."

Castle sighed inwardly and stared at Kate for a minute before nodding his head. "Okay."

She smiled. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Kate kissed him again and walked him to her bedroom. She doesn't need to pick up Anna and Martin until later anyway so she definitely has some time to kill. Right now she just want to enjoy being with the man she…loves. She loves him. No doubt.


End file.
